You may say I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one

“You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one”

~~ John Lennon

Baby circus elephants spend the first year of their lives tethered to a stake in the ground by a 6-foot length of rope around their leg.  After that, a trainer can control them with a thin nylon cord tied to the same leg because the elephant thinks it can’t go any farther than the rope allows.

How many good people feel tethered to caregiving jobs, having personal desires for the future, but feeling hopeless and helpless, directed by the ringmaster – disempowered and unable to break free to grow, learn, and explore their own dreams and aspirations?

Four years ago we had a dream for our company, and we had goals to create a Senior Housing Organization guided by goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun.  It has been a successful and a beautiful journey, growing and learning together personally and collectively.   Like many senior housing companies, while we have had rewarding successes, we have also struggled with the employee retention dilemma in some of our communities.

Our executive leadership has attended conferences and webinars, read books, brainstormed at corporate retreats, studying the numbers, and taking a hard look at employee retention strategies. Some of us have read the book by Matthew Kelly, Dream Manager.  Kelly says,  “An organization can only become the best-version-of-itself to the extent that the people who are driving that organization are striving to become better-versions-of-themselves.”    From Kelly, I got new insight and raised questions.

We have defined our company hopes, dreams, and aspirations – What are the dreams of our care teams?

We are imagining how our team members would feel about a recruitment, hiring, and onboarding process where they  not only learn about the vision, mission, values, and expectations of the new company they are joining – but are also invited to share their own hopes, vision, values, and dreams  for their own lives. Paying a fair wage, employee appreciation programs and bonus structures are all good. But the bottom line is that our leaders must connect heart-to-heart with our teams.  To do that, we must become well-known to one another.

Care team members at Desert Peaks Assisted Living, Las Cruces, New Mexico

All of us want to work in places

• Where we feel immediately part of a nurturing team.
• Where we are excited about making a significant impact on the world.
• Where we are working and playing with people who have our back.
• Where we are sharing our personal dreams and goals with the organization and one another.
• Where we are encouraged and supported to reach for our dreams to be the-best-version-of-ourselves.

Finding a way to create an environment that helps employees-become-the-best-version-of-themselves – while at the same time growing each Senior Housing Community to-be-the-best-version-of-itself may seem like the purposes are diametrically opposed.  But they are actually complementary.

We can ask “What is the purpose of the employee?”   most would answer, “to help the company achieve its purpose.”  But this actually misses the point.

The employee’s purpose is to become the best-version-of- him-or-herself.  Popular opinion is that the people exist for the company.  The truth is that the company exists for the employee.

A new breed of company loyalty

Years ago, company loyalty was based on hanging around for a certain number of years in order to get a pension or a benefit.

Matthew Kelly says “The new breed of company loyalty will be built on the principle of ‘adding value.’ An employee is responsible for adding value to the life of the company, and the company is responsible for adding value to the life of the employee.” 

As a leader, I am not here simply to motivate, set expectations, produce results, and inspire.  I do this, certainly – but my greater goal (and dream) is to add value – to help my company and our employees to thrive!

I believe there is wisdom in Matthew Kelly’s observation that people who are driving organizations must be striving to become better-versions-of- themselves.  We as transformational leaders are looking to unleash the power of our teams, connecting them with our company’s vision, mission, purpose, and dreams. – and helping each person set goals for their own dreams, achieving more than they ever thought possible.  It’s a win-win!

When a company forgets that it exists for its customers, it quickly goes out of business.  Our employees are our first customers and our most influential customers.    Our company can only become the best-version-of-itself to the extent that we as leaders are striving to become better-versions-of-ourselves.”  

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education, Marketing, and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Clutter keeps you stuck in the past…Are you holding on to old ideas?

I was visiting with a 97-year-old friend who is considering a  move to a smaller place or an assisted living.  She has already downsized once, and we were discussing the many things she has in her home.  What to keep? What to give away?

She loves her things. We all do!  With every item she picked up she had a story. After one story, she looked at me, and said, “You know, clutter keeps me stuck in the past, and prevents me from moving forward in my life.”    I was surprised at this revelation.   She shared with me that she wants to continue to grow and learn and be open to new ideas, and new possibilities.

We talked about “things” and “stuff”  that makes it difficult to de-clutter our lives in order to open our minds.

Decluttering is overwhelming.

Overwhelm is the predominant challenging emotion, and often our homes reflect that.  We decided it is best to start with the easy stuff – like the old cast iron skillet, that is too heavy to lift!

Re-imagining and recreating a new version of ourselves

My friend has had many careers and opportunities to travel, and give back to her community through service.   She has been evolving and growing over the past 90 plus years.   We talked about the problem that arises when our ‘stuff’ is piling up as we shape-shift into new versions of ourselves.   There is a natural dying and rebirth that takes place as we evolve, – but we resist this process.   My friend said she recognizes she needs to let go of what she was and recreate a new version of herself in her 90’s and beyond.

Clearing clutter can help us be more creative and interesting

My friend sometimes does tell the same stories over and over.  I have friends 50 years younger than her that do the same thing.  It is not only elders who hold onto the past.  Many much younger people do the same thing – and get stuck in old ideas, resisting growth and learning.

My friend suggested that clearing her space will support her evolution so that ideas, inspirations, and insights can enter in a flash!

She said, “Holding onto old ideas that have gone past their expiration date will prevent new ideas from coming in.”

I am inspired by the wisdom of this woman.  I am looking forward to accompanying her on her journey into her 90’s.

My beautiful, insightful Elder friend is a great example that as we age, we continue to learn and grow, and are whole capable human beings.  If we are open and eager to evolve, elderhood can truly be the crescendo of our lifetime!

I realized that I hold onto ‘stuff’ myself.  I am going to de-clutter my life, to open myself to all of life’s possibilities now!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Education and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Finding Beauty in Brokenness – “Golden joinery”

“We are all broken.  That’s how the light gets in.”  Ernest Hemmingway

How did you feel the last time a coffee mug slipped from your hands and shattered on your kitchen floor? Probably some combination of surprise and annoyance. If it was an heirloom or a sentimental piece, you may have even felt supremely guilty as you swept up the shards.

In Japan, instead of tossing these pieces in the trash, some craftsmen practice the 500-year-old art of kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” which is a method of restoring a broken piece with a lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum.

Reverance and restoration

The kintsugi method conveys a philosophy not of replacement, but of awe, reverence, and restoration. The gold-filled cracks of a once-broken item are a testament to its history. As Shimoda says, “It’s one beautiful way of living, that you fix your dish by yourself.”

Society’s greatest accomplishment – Longevity. What are we going to do about it?

One thing is certain for all of us, if we are lucky – we will age.  In a society that celebrates ‘anti-aging’ products and dialogue – elderhood is still considered a state of  ‘brokenness.’

At age 40 we may get an ‘over-the-hill’ party, and we begin talking about getting old as though it is a curse. If you think you are ‘old and broken’, you are right.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and many people using the stereotypical language are diminishing themselves and missing out on many more years of a life well lived.

If you were born in 1900, you had a pretty good chance of dying by your 50th birthday. Today, thanks to improved health and safety, a dramatic increase in average life expectancy during the 20th-century ranks is one of society’s greatest achievements,” notes a report from the National Institute on Aging.

While birth rates are dropping, average life expectancy is still rising, as more and more people live past 80, 90, and even 100. The population of people demographers refer to as the “oldest old” is ballooning relative to other age groups — with no signs of slowing down.

Conscious Aging – Can we apply the concepts of kintsugi or “golden joinery?”

So, with an additional 30+ years of life, can we look at our lives more intentionally?  Can we optimize our life experiences, our ‘brokenness’, and take the opportunity to explore the kintsugi philosophy to recycle our experience to create a life of awe, reverence, and restoration? The gold-filled cracks in our lives can become a testament to our history.

You are never too young to begin preparing to be your best version of yourself into your elderhood.   Below are some tips to practice kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” to experience elderhood as the crescendo of your lifetime!  Begin now!

1. Develop a willingness to deal with life completion and overcoming the desire to stay in denial of aging.
2. Come to terms with your mortality. Yes, we are all going to die.
3. Acquire the skills of ‘golden joinery’ to gain courage and strength from the gold-filled  ‘cracks’ and ‘brokenness’ of your life, realizing awe, reverence, and restoration.
4. Beginning to do life repair:
   • in  your health
   • in practical matters with wills and testaments
   • in relationships and between generations
   • by reaching into the past and offering release and healing
   • through forgiveness work with release from vindictiveness
   • by finding the pearls in the anxious memories
5. Do the philosophical homework by raising questions about the purpose and the meaning of your life.
6. Serve as elders to others as guides, mentors, and agents of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, the nation, and the family by being wisdom keepers.
7. Prepare for a serene death and afterlife.
8. Do all of this nobly in connectedness with the inner, actualized self,  already realized, individuated, and complete.

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 To learn more, Sage-ing International is a community of elders and elders-to-be who are ready to explore new ways of aging.  Beginning as a networking organization for professionals, they have expanded their focus, reaching out to everyone approaching or in the second half of life. Their vision includes teaching/learning, service, and community as three vitally important aspects of the Sage-ing journey.

A beautiful Elder woman fully whole and perfect. A living example of ‘golden joinery’ or ‘kintsugi”

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Marketing and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

6 tips to creating trusting relationships

I have four grown children, and when they were toddlers,  I always loved that moment when they could let go of my hand and begin to walk on their own.  As babies they had whole and complete trust that I would be there for them to catch them if they fell.  And in the presence of a trusted adult, they gained courage to take that risk on their own and let go.

Believing that trusting relationships are the most basic of human needs and the strongest foundation for caring for one another; we recognize that our teams must work in an environment of trust and kindness in order to grow, take risks, and be the very best versions of themselves.

I have been in Senior Housing since the late ninety’s.    I have seen the evolution of the services, the regulatory standards, and the employees.

Today senior living companies are focusing even more on the people who work with them.  Demand for talented, dedicated employees keeps growing.  

We, like other senior housing companies, are stepping up to improve and communicate with our teams.  It is not just about the wages or the benefits, but also about the culture, growth opportunities, and inspiring trust in leadership.

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There are many things that we can do to establish trust:

• Being open and honest about changes that will impact the teams;
• Effectively communicating by talking to them, not at them;
• Having an open-door policy, and then following up, and being willing to pitch in to help.
• Sometimes the smallest gesture of kindness goes a long way.

Below are some tips to develop trusting relationships that I have learned over the years.  These tips have effectively established trust with those I have been honored to serve – and helped me evolve and grow into a better person too.

1. Offer Your Own Trust First. As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” If you want your employees to trust you, try trusting them first. Give them a task, even an easy one, and let them complete it on their own. This simple gesture will go a very long way. If your employees believe you will have their back, they will run through walls for you.
2. Don’t Have All Of The Answers, Even If You Do.    Who do you trust? Typically, it’s someone who allows you to be you and who encourages you to continuously grow, learn — usually by making mistakes — and develop. So be inquisitive and ask lots and lots of questions rather than supplying answers, even — especially — when you know the answer.
3. Show Them You Aren’t Afraid Of Failure.  Any mistake or struggle in performance will make the leader look bad, so every employee is seen as a threat. This drives selfish, bad behavior and creates an unsafe place for the team. Trust only happens in a fear-free environment. Every leader needs to work on their own fear issues so they can focus on building the team instead of their ego.
4.  Listen Effectively. Leaders establish trust by asking effective questions, then by actually listening to employees’ answers. Following up with action in a manner that supports employees’ ideas and concerns reinforces that you listened.
5. Be Respectful. The simplest path to increased trust is respect. It’s respectful recognition of accomplishments and transparency around failure. It’s a connection between leaders and teams. It doesn’t cost anything — but each side needs to make time for it. Practicing daily respect habits like “listen and care, make eye contact, and acknowledge your flaws” will drive engagement, and ultimately performance.
6.  Lead With Integrity and empathy. You can demonstrate you are trustworthy as a leader by keeping your word with your employees.  Say what you’ll do, and then do what you say. Show them you are leading in alignment with the values of goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun.  Genuinely care about your employees. Give trust and ask for their trust in return. Be trustworthy and honorable, and communicate that you expect the same.

When people honor each other, there is a trust established that leads to synergy, interdependence, and deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best, what is valued most highly.

We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.

The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I.’   And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I.’ They don’t think ‘I.’ They think ‘we’; they think ‘team.’ They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we’ gets the credit.  This is what creates trust.

Try even one or two of these approaches. Just a bit here and there, and you may be amazed at the miraculous transformation and evolution of not only your team…but of yourself too!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Marketing & Innovation  

About the author: Jean Garboden is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Story Telling – the power to transform

“If history were taught in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.”– Rudyard Kipling

The Power to Transform

Stories have power. They delight, enchant, touch, teach, recall, inspire, motivate, and challenge. They help us understand. They imprint a picture in our minds. Our storytelling ability, a uniquely human trait, has been with us as long as we’ve been able to speak and listen. Not only do people love to tell stories, but people also love to hear stories!

Listen to this tiny story of Bob Brophy, who lived at Peachtree Village in Roswell New Mexico.  What a wonderful tiny story from Mr. Brophy’s library of his lifetime! (As you listen to the audio -read the transcription below the story)

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Click here to hear Mr. Brophy’s stoies

Bob Brophy, storyteller…and here comes a sailboat south… here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship… They were buck naked… I was so stunned…. It made me forget my good manners         

TRANSCRIPT:  After the storm was over we went in on the inland. We got on the canal and went out into Virginia…oh damn, my memory is failing me, but anyway we were sailing just the two of us on a yacht going north up this canal; and here comes a sailboat south, and as we passed about 20 feet apart, here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship, and He says “Hi how are you, what’s going on?” They were buck naked. What am I going to talk about to these people? I didn’t’ have enough good manners to wish them a good trip too. I was so stunned. I remembered that all my life. It made me forget my good manners.

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“Every time an old person dies, a library burns to the ground.”  African Proverb

The Elders are truly ‘human libraries’  with stories ripe for harvesting!

We have a unique opportunity to harvest the wisdom, the humor, and memories we hear every day. We are in relationships with elders who have journeyed almost a full century on this planet. Through their stories, we connect with one another while giving our resident storytellers the opportunity to reconnect with what was once taken for granted. We give them the opportunity to share their memories for generations to come. And, the tiny stories can be preserved forever in digital media and libraries.

Through the simple process of capturing these adventures, challenges, and wisdom acquired on their life journey –  we create a profoundly enriching experience for both the storyteller and the recorder.

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To hear more tiny stories from Elder Storytellers around the United States go to the Tiny Stories Page, and get ready to smile, and be filled with the legacies of elderhood preserved here.

If you are interested in preserving your own tiny stories, or the stories of someone you love, please contact me, and I will be happy to help you save your library of tiny stories too!

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Re-imaging our Care Work

There are only four kinds of people in the world

“There are only four kinds of people in the world. Those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.”

~Roslyn Carter

Although we care for others or are cared for by others at different levels throughout the arc of life; at both poles of life, we are more vulnerable and dependent upon care.

Dr. Bill Thomas, an international authority on geriatrics, talks of embracing elderhood as a transformational developmental stage of life. Just as early childhood is unique, with specific challenges, joys, and perspectives, so is adulthood, and so is elderhood. Entering elderhood extends a possibility to shift into a new way of being human.

At both poles of life care is amplified. At both poles of life, humans are whole and complete – both children and elders offer us unique insights, unparalleled wisdom, and an invitation to live a creative life; to notice what matters, and to live in the now.

Let’s reimagine our care practices. By looking at care at both poles of life and by placing care in the context of the self-actualizing journey of human development—we realize the purpose of our work in caring for another is to nurture growth.

Care is a partnership that moves the other towards becoming more. Care offers independence, not helplessness. Care offers strength, not weakness. Care offers a connection, not isolation.

Let us rescue care from the confines of the undervalued, unappreciated realms where it has hidden We can be blazing defenders of care. We can shine a light for the advancement of a great society. Let’s be a part of the care revolution!

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About the author 

Jean Garboden, Marketing and Innovation Leader for Compass Senior Living is  in her 70’s and is experiencing newfound joy in aging. She is working passionately to lift up care and to care for the caregivers. She is redefining elderhood. We are in the midst of re-imagining what it means to grow old. She has no plans to “hand over the torch” but is now claiming her role as a wise experienced leader who can now let her torch shine brighter and bolder than ever, while she lights the torch of others and exerts ongoing unique influence at the crescendo of her life. https://www.compass-living.com/ 

Honoring my grandmothers – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

in 1957 my young maternal grandmother, Maurine,  (age 45) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She lived in our home with my parents and me and my siblings for 5 years as she underwent the treatment that was available at the time. Treatment included radical mastectomy, hysterectomy and removal of ovaries, and intensive radiation therapy. In 1960, my 78 year old paternal grandmother, Ada, was also diagnosed with breast cancer.  She opted for no treatment.

Dr. Lerner, a breast cancer historian, and author of the book The Breast Cancer Wars: Hope, fear, and the pursuit of a cure in 20^th century America wrote that in the 1950’s there was an enormous amount of very aggressive surgery done for not only breast cancer, but other cancers. The sense was that cancer grew in a very orderly manner, so if you could remove enough tissue in the area that contained the cancer, you could cure women. There was an operation called pelvic exenteration, in which a woman’s pelvic organs were all removed. And in the area of the breast, the doctors began to actually remove part of the rib cage to try to get to these elusive cancer cells. So there was a dramatic degree of disfigurement for these patients.

I, like many young women in the 1960’s and 1970’s lived in fear of getting breast cancer. As a very young woman in the early 1970’s I discovered a lump in my breast, and when I went into surgery for a breast biopsy, the physician told me that I would be going under general anesthesia, and if the tumor was malignant, I would wake up with my breast removed without having a chance to consult with another physician, or prepare myself.  When I awoke from the anesthesia, I had a bandage over an incision. I still had my breast!

Over the years I have seen the improvements in screening, diagnosis and treatment. The awareness brought forth by the American Cancer Society, and Susan G. Koman has saved lives! I got my mammograms regularly and had 12 more benign biopsies in 20 years – which were done in outpatient surgery or in physician offices.

I am grateful for  Maurine and Ada, who are my grandmothers and my heroes. Their journey and the memory of their spirit and bravery made me and my mother and sisters aware.   I am grateful to all of those who have been part of educating us about early detection and prevention. I am grateful to the scientists and researchers, and the fund raising efforts that have been initiated by passionate advocates for women’s health.  I am grateful for the cancer survivors who inspire us with their stories, and the  example of those who have left a legacy of their courage.

Learn more about breast cancer awareness at the National Breast Cancer Association.

“The goal is to live a full, productive life, even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens; whether the cancer flares up again, or you die – the important thing is that the days you have had – that you will live.”  Gilder Radner

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About the Author:    Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living  , located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years experience in not-for-profit and for profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living.

I can’t pick just one!

Amy Hynes is the Administrator at Heron Pointe Senior Living, in Monmouth, Oregon.  She celebrates an ‘Employee of the month’ focusing on creating a culture of kindness and grace.  Amy invites the residents to nominate employees for this special recognition, as they are closest to the Care Partners, and will have heartfelt feedback. 

Amy and her leadership team were reviewing nominations, and read this employee nomination letter from Carol Webb, a resident at Heron Pointe.

This is Carol’s Letter to Amy

When I first came here, I was filled with anger, hate, and pain; but mostly I was filled with fear.

I had to leave my home of over sixty years.  I had to leave those that were my friends in my neighborhood during this time.  We raised our children together.

I had to give up my freedom to come and go as I liked because I had to give up driving.  I really felt like I was no longer a person.  Just a thing. Just a responsibility for my kids, both physically and financially.

But as soon as I walked in your door, I was surrounded by compassion and love.  Everyone I came into contact with welcomed and helped me at every turn. All the girls and young gentleman treated me with great respect and kindness beyond my expectations.

When they found me crying, they held me and cried with me. 

When I was lonesome, they took the time to talk with me.

Sometimes they found me playing cards by myself and sat down and taught me a new game.

They bathed me, taking away my embarrassment and shame.  They helped me accept and change my ostomy bag even without gagging as I was inclined to do. 

They helped me get around from place to place, telling me how and where to find the laundry room, dining room, hair salon, and more.

They became my new friends and family.

Each one of them became my dear friend, helping me find the important things when I had lost them – things like my smile and my heart, my hope, and most of all my courage.

God Bless all of the care partners, the housekeepers, the cooks and servers, and all who work here.

I discovered I gave up nothing – and added everything to my life.

I love you all!

Carol L. Webb

P.S.  I can’t pick just one – you are ALL the Employee of the month! 

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” – Margaret Mead

About Carol

Carol was born in Hood River Oregon and lived there for 10 years before moving to The Willamette Valley where she stayed until moving to Heron Pointe in February 2019.

She married her husband in 1958 after the Korean War. Carol made clothing and blankets for the family to cut costs. Her typical day was spent sewing, taking care of children, and working on the farm. She even drove a wheat truck for 10 years! Carol was a homemaker, a Cub Scout leader and taught Sunday school.  Carol says her greatest accomplishment in life is her 3 children. She said, ”They drove me crazy, but they are sure a blessing.” At Heron Pointe Carol enjoys feeding and watching the birds, sewing or embroidery and listening to old western music. She loves people and helping in any way she can.

Are we ever too old to play?

“Children have a full-time occupation. It’s called PLAY! Let them be occupied by it from their early years and into their twilight years.”  Vince Gowmon

It is widely accepted that Life Enrichment activities bring vigor and life to senior living, but, nonetheless, you may be surprised to learn what has been the most popular and well-received activity I have led over the years.

As Life Enrichment Directors we are taught that activities should be “age appropriate,” but exactly what does that mean?

Throughout my forty-four-year career in senior care, I have witnessed older people transformed through laughter and play. Of course, individual cognition must be considered, but overall most residents, regardless of cognitive abilities, respond in a positive manner to childhood games.  

Games, songs, and rhymes from our youth generally hold a special place in our memories.

Many of us can easily recall the words to a nursery rhyme but forget what we had for dinner the day before. I have found that most adults find comfort and pleasure when reminiscing about their childhood and the games they played.

I believe we all have an inner child that requires nurturing from time to time, and we must let that child play without judgment. The game doesn’t matter if it brings engagement, laughter, camaraderie and happy thoughts. I experience all these things myself right alongside residents as we play the most popular game.

I was hesitant to introduce this active game for fear of it being considered too childish for independent living residents. I purchased one large beach ball and decided to give it a try after we completed our balance class. Little did I know that it would grow into a twice-weekly occurrence and that I would need to purchase an additional ball to add to the excitement.

So, what is this most popular of games? Kickball!

Yes, kickball, the timeless playground favorite.

In our version, we deploy two large balls into a circle of residents who then hit, kick, punch, and bounce them back and forth. I play along and am able to see the years wash away revealing a room full of happy, laughing inner children. People are moving and stretching and having such a good time that the game’s energy carries on long after we finish. Players often recount their kickball exploits in the dining room and share another laugh with each other.

Since beginning this activity, our group has grown, and we now welcome between twelve and sixteen people each session. Residents have embraced kickball and I am so glad I decided to give it a try and let them judge its age appropriateness.

How about you?  Laugh.  Play. Embrace your inner child.

Leo Buscaglia figured it out when he said, “I am often accused of being childish. I prefer to interpret that as child-like. I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things. I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish. I still listen to instinctual urges. I play with the leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind. I never water my garden without soaking myself. It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” 

Vanessa Uhrig, Life Enrichment Director

About the Author: Vanessa is a “farm girl”,  who was born and raised in Canby, Oregon, and now working at Shorewood Senior Living in Florence, Oregon.  She had a strong bond with her grandparents who taught strong work ethics, morals and the value of honesty. They provided her with love and respect for her elders from an early age. Her grandmother encouraged her artistic and creative side resulting in a passion for cooking, painting, quilt making, crocheting, drawing, crafts of all kinds and a closet full of “bits and bobs” that will be used someday. Prior to coming to Shorewood, Vanessa was a cook at an assisted living community. Vanessa lives in Florence Oregon and is enjoying everything it has to offer. 

Vanessa loves nature and all animals. She currently has two dogs and four cats, all rescued from the humane society. Vanessa is the proud mom of one daughter, Emily, who is, not only her best friend but also a scientist with a Ph.D. in Zoology. When she isn’t at work, Vanessa can be found busy outside in the flower beds or making something crafty. She is happy to be at Shorewood to share laughter, build friendships, and make a difference in the lives of the residents.

Are we “Caregivers?” or “Care Partners?”

“Most people agree that the world would be a better place if we all cared more for one another, but despite that initial agreement we find it is hard to say exactly what we mean by caring.”   – Nel Noddings, Caring and Social Policy    

As an eldercare professional or family caregiver are you sometimes surprised by the amount of time you spend in the caregiving tasks?

Do you ever feel that the snack or meals to prepare, the hands to wash, the shower to give, the transferring into and out of bed or wheelchairs, the assistance with dressing, toileting, and eating, the medications to give, or the laundry to do is getting in the way of engaging in relationship with the person you are caring for?

• What if we adopted a new way of thinking about care and incorporated it into the heart of our caring rituals?
• What would our practice look like if we lifted-up the daily chores of caring as honorable rituals and essential caring practices in partnership with one another and the person we care for?

  Care is not a one-way street

  In a culture that typically views aging as a period of decline, I believe that no matter how old we are or what challenges we live with, life is about continuing to grow.  I work with Care Partners and elders and families.  From them, I  have learned that care is not a one-way street, but rather a collaborative partnership.  It warms my heart to see caregivers embracing their person-centered elder-directed roles as ‘Care Partners’ -as active participants in the balance of giving and receiving.  Together, care partner teams strive to enhance the well-being of both the person providing care and the person receiving care.  It is a partnership. It is a relationship.

Caring is not only a physical task. 

Caring requires understanding, relationship, and partnership. In routines such as washing and dressing, feeding and comforting, I have witnessed a transformation of daily caring rituals through care partnerships into opportunities for engaging, connecting and learning.  I have seen  Care Partners and Elders learning every moment the deepest lessons through the caring partnership.

If a person is receiving care and does not have the opportunity to give care or even have a say in his/her own care – they become helpless and hopeless.  In a care partner relationship, the elder adult is empowered. 

In the past, caring may have been viewed as a minimum standard of keeping an elder adult safe and clean, or as something ‘anyone’ could do.  

In the emerging future, care must be viewed as an intentional practice that connects us to one another, requires specialized knowledge about elders, about learning, and human development.  

• Caring rituals are a science
• Caring rituals are an art form.  
• Caring rituals enhance the elder adult’s physical, spiritual, emotional and social well-being.
• Caring rituals compel us to be intelligent, thinking, respectful, state-of-the-art-care partners.  
• Caring rituals allow us to be partners in the caring relationship – empowering the vulnerable person to teach us how to care by listening, observing and partnering for that person’s well being as well as our own.

To care we must seek to know many things. We care with plans, purpose, objectives, and heart.

Families trust us with the care of the oldest citizens in our communities.  The caring rituals that elders and families seek from us have the potential to shape our unique identity as Care Partners.  

The best of our Senior Housing Communities become second homes of elders and their families and our care partners.  They receive comfort and confidence in joining us, teaching us, and partnering with us.

 As Milton Mayeroff said, “In the sense in which a man can ever be said to be at home in the world, he is at home not through domination, or explaining, or appreciating, but through caring and being cared for” (On Caring published 1971).  

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.