Clutter keeps you stuck in the past…Are you holding on to old ideas?

I was visiting with a 97-year-old friend who is considering a  move to a smaller place or an assisted living.  She has already downsized once, and we were discussing the many things she has in her home.  What to keep? What to give away?

She loves her things. We all do!  With every item she picked up she had a story. After one story, she looked at me, and said, “You know, clutter keeps me stuck in the past, and prevents me from moving forward in my life.”    I was surprised at this revelation.   She shared with me that she wants to continue to grow and learn and be open to new ideas, and new possibilities.

We talked about “things” and “stuff”  that makes it difficult to de-clutter our lives in order to open our minds.

Decluttering is overwhelming.

Overwhelm is the predominant challenging emotion, and often our homes reflect that.  We decided it is best to start with the easy stuff – like the old cast iron skillet, that is too heavy to lift!

Re-imagining and recreating a new version of ourselves

My friend has had many careers and opportunities to travel, and give back to her community through service.   She has been evolving and growing over the past 90 plus years.   We talked about the problem that arises when our ‘stuff’ is piling up as we shape-shift into new versions of ourselves.   There is a natural dying and rebirth that takes place as we evolve, – but we resist this process.   My friend said she recognizes she needs to let go of what she was and recreate a new version of herself in her 90’s and beyond.

Clearing clutter can help us be more creative and interesting

My friend sometimes does tell the same stories over and over.  I have friends 50 years younger than her that do the same thing.  It is not only elders who hold onto the past.  Many much younger people do the same thing – and get stuck in old ideas, resisting growth and learning.

My friend suggested that clearing her space will support her evolution so that ideas, inspirations, and insights can enter in a flash!

She said, “Holding onto old ideas that have gone past their expiration date will prevent new ideas from coming in.”

I am inspired by the wisdom of this woman.  I am looking forward to accompanying her on her journey into her 90’s.

My beautiful, insightful Elder friend is a great example that as we age, we continue to learn and grow, and are whole capable human beings.  If we are open and eager to evolve, elderhood can truly be the crescendo of our lifetime!

I realized that I hold onto ‘stuff’ myself.  I am going to de-clutter my life, to open myself to all of life’s possibilities now!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Education and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Finding Beauty in Brokenness – “Golden joinery”

“We are all broken.  That’s how the light gets in.”  Ernest Hemmingway

How did you feel the last time a coffee mug slipped from your hands and shattered on your kitchen floor? Probably some combination of surprise and annoyance. If it was an heirloom or a sentimental piece, you may have even felt supremely guilty as you swept up the shards.

In Japan, instead of tossing these pieces in the trash, some craftsmen practice the 500-year-old art of kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” which is a method of restoring a broken piece with a lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum.

Reverance and restoration

The kintsugi method conveys a philosophy not of replacement, but of awe, reverence, and restoration. The gold-filled cracks of a once-broken item are a testament to its history. As Shimoda says, “It’s one beautiful way of living, that you fix your dish by yourself.”

Society’s greatest accomplishment – Longevity. What are we going to do about it?

One thing is certain for all of us, if we are lucky – we will age.  In a society that celebrates ‘anti-aging’ products and dialogue – elderhood is still considered a state of  ‘brokenness.’

At age 40 we may get an ‘over-the-hill’ party, and we begin talking about getting old as though it is a curse. If you think you are ‘old and broken’, you are right.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and many people using the stereotypical language are diminishing themselves and missing out on many more years of a life well lived.

If you were born in 1900, you had a pretty good chance of dying by your 50th birthday. Today, thanks to improved health and safety, a dramatic increase in average life expectancy during the 20th-century ranks is one of society’s greatest achievements,” notes a report from the National Institute on Aging.

While birth rates are dropping, average life expectancy is still rising, as more and more people live past 80, 90, and even 100. The population of people demographers refer to as the “oldest old” is ballooning relative to other age groups — with no signs of slowing down.

Conscious Aging – Can we apply the concepts of kintsugi or “golden joinery?”

So, with an additional 30+ years of life, can we look at our lives more intentionally?  Can we optimize our life experiences, our ‘brokenness’, and take the opportunity to explore the kintsugi philosophy to recycle our experience to create a life of awe, reverence, and restoration? The gold-filled cracks in our lives can become a testament to our history.

You are never too young to begin preparing to be your best version of yourself into your elderhood.   Below are some tips to practice kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” to experience elderhood as the crescendo of your lifetime!  Begin now!

1. Develop a willingness to deal with life completion and overcoming the desire to stay in denial of aging.
2. Come to terms with your mortality. Yes, we are all going to die.
3. Acquire the skills of ‘golden joinery’ to gain courage and strength from the gold-filled  ‘cracks’ and ‘brokenness’ of your life, realizing awe, reverence, and restoration.
4. Beginning to do life repair:
   • in  your health
   • in practical matters with wills and testaments
   • in relationships and between generations
   • by reaching into the past and offering release and healing
   • through forgiveness work with release from vindictiveness
   • by finding the pearls in the anxious memories
5. Do the philosophical homework by raising questions about the purpose and the meaning of your life.
6. Serve as elders to others as guides, mentors, and agents of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, the nation, and the family by being wisdom keepers.
7. Prepare for a serene death and afterlife.
8. Do all of this nobly in connectedness with the inner, actualized self,  already realized, individuated, and complete.

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 To learn more, Sage-ing International is a community of elders and elders-to-be who are ready to explore new ways of aging.  Beginning as a networking organization for professionals, they have expanded their focus, reaching out to everyone approaching or in the second half of life. Their vision includes teaching/learning, service, and community as three vitally important aspects of the Sage-ing journey.

A beautiful Elder woman fully whole and perfect. A living example of ‘golden joinery’ or ‘kintsugi”

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Marketing and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

6 tips to creating trusting relationships

I have four grown children, and when they were toddlers,  I always loved that moment when they could let go of my hand and begin to walk on their own.  As babies they had whole and complete trust that I would be there for them to catch them if they fell.  And in the presence of a trusted adult, they gained courage to take that risk on their own and let go.

Believing that trusting relationships are the most basic of human needs and the strongest foundation for caring for one another; we recognize that our teams must work in an environment of trust and kindness in order to grow, take risks, and be the very best versions of themselves.

I have been in Senior Housing since the late ninety’s.    I have seen the evolution of the services, the regulatory standards, and the employees.

Today senior living companies are focusing even more on the people who work with them.  Demand for talented, dedicated employees keeps growing.  

We, like other senior housing companies, are stepping up to improve and communicate with our teams.  It is not just about the wages or the benefits, but also about the culture, growth opportunities, and inspiring trust in leadership.

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There are many things that we can do to establish trust:

• Being open and honest about changes that will impact the teams;
• Effectively communicating by talking to them, not at them;
• Having an open-door policy, and then following up, and being willing to pitch in to help.
• Sometimes the smallest gesture of kindness goes a long way.

Below are some tips to develop trusting relationships that I have learned over the years.  These tips have effectively established trust with those I have been honored to serve – and helped me evolve and grow into a better person too.

1. Offer Your Own Trust First. As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” If you want your employees to trust you, try trusting them first. Give them a task, even an easy one, and let them complete it on their own. This simple gesture will go a very long way. If your employees believe you will have their back, they will run through walls for you.
2. Don’t Have All Of The Answers, Even If You Do.    Who do you trust? Typically, it’s someone who allows you to be you and who encourages you to continuously grow, learn — usually by making mistakes — and develop. So be inquisitive and ask lots and lots of questions rather than supplying answers, even — especially — when you know the answer.
3. Show Them You Aren’t Afraid Of Failure.  Any mistake or struggle in performance will make the leader look bad, so every employee is seen as a threat. This drives selfish, bad behavior and creates an unsafe place for the team. Trust only happens in a fear-free environment. Every leader needs to work on their own fear issues so they can focus on building the team instead of their ego.
4.  Listen Effectively. Leaders establish trust by asking effective questions, then by actually listening to employees’ answers. Following up with action in a manner that supports employees’ ideas and concerns reinforces that you listened.
5. Be Respectful. The simplest path to increased trust is respect. It’s respectful recognition of accomplishments and transparency around failure. It’s a connection between leaders and teams. It doesn’t cost anything — but each side needs to make time for it. Practicing daily respect habits like “listen and care, make eye contact, and acknowledge your flaws” will drive engagement, and ultimately performance.
6.  Lead With Integrity and empathy. You can demonstrate you are trustworthy as a leader by keeping your word with your employees.  Say what you’ll do, and then do what you say. Show them you are leading in alignment with the values of goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun.  Genuinely care about your employees. Give trust and ask for their trust in return. Be trustworthy and honorable, and communicate that you expect the same.

When people honor each other, there is a trust established that leads to synergy, interdependence, and deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best, what is valued most highly.

We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.

The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say ‘I.’   And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say ‘I.’ They don’t think ‘I.’ They think ‘we’; they think ‘team.’ They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we’ gets the credit.  This is what creates trust.

Try even one or two of these approaches. Just a bit here and there, and you may be amazed at the miraculous transformation and evolution of not only your team…but of yourself too!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Marketing & Innovation  

About the author: Jean Garboden is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Story Telling – the power to transform

“If history were taught in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.”– Rudyard Kipling

The Power to Transform

Stories have power. They delight, enchant, touch, teach, recall, inspire, motivate, and challenge. They help us understand. They imprint a picture in our minds. Our storytelling ability, a uniquely human trait, has been with us as long as we’ve been able to speak and listen. Not only do people love to tell stories, but people also love to hear stories!

Listen to this tiny story of Bob Brophy, who lived at Peachtree Village in Roswell New Mexico.  What a wonderful tiny story from Mr. Brophy’s library of his lifetime! (As you listen to the audio -read the transcription below the story)

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Click here to hear Mr. Brophy’s stoies

Bob Brophy, storyteller…and here comes a sailboat south… here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship… They were buck naked… I was so stunned…. It made me forget my good manners         

TRANSCRIPT:  After the storm was over we went in on the inland. We got on the canal and went out into Virginia…oh damn, my memory is failing me, but anyway we were sailing just the two of us on a yacht going north up this canal; and here comes a sailboat south, and as we passed about 20 feet apart, here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship, and He says “Hi how are you, what’s going on?” They were buck naked. What am I going to talk about to these people? I didn’t’ have enough good manners to wish them a good trip too. I was so stunned. I remembered that all my life. It made me forget my good manners.

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“Every time an old person dies, a library burns to the ground.”  African Proverb

The Elders are truly ‘human libraries’  with stories ripe for harvesting!

We have a unique opportunity to harvest the wisdom, the humor, and memories we hear every day. We are in relationships with elders who have journeyed almost a full century on this planet. Through their stories, we connect with one another while giving our resident storytellers the opportunity to reconnect with what was once taken for granted. We give them the opportunity to share their memories for generations to come. And, the tiny stories can be preserved forever in digital media and libraries.

Through the simple process of capturing these adventures, challenges, and wisdom acquired on their life journey –  we create a profoundly enriching experience for both the storyteller and the recorder.

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To hear more tiny stories from Elder Storytellers around the United States go to the Tiny Stories Page, and get ready to smile, and be filled with the legacies of elderhood preserved here.

If you are interested in preserving your own tiny stories, or the stories of someone you love, please contact me, and I will be happy to help you save your library of tiny stories too!

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Honoring my grandmothers – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

in 1957 my young maternal grandmother, Maurine,  (age 45) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She lived in our home with my parents and me and my siblings for 5 years as she underwent the treatment that was available at the time. Treatment included radical mastectomy, hysterectomy and removal of ovaries, and intensive radiation therapy. In 1960, my 78 year old paternal grandmother, Ada, was also diagnosed with breast cancer.  She opted for no treatment.

Dr. Lerner, a breast cancer historian, and author of the book The Breast Cancer Wars: Hope, fear, and the pursuit of a cure in 20^th century America wrote that in the 1950’s there was an enormous amount of very aggressive surgery done for not only breast cancer, but other cancers. The sense was that cancer grew in a very orderly manner, so if you could remove enough tissue in the area that contained the cancer, you could cure women. There was an operation called pelvic exenteration, in which a woman’s pelvic organs were all removed. And in the area of the breast, the doctors began to actually remove part of the rib cage to try to get to these elusive cancer cells. So there was a dramatic degree of disfigurement for these patients.

I, like many young women in the 1960’s and 1970’s lived in fear of getting breast cancer. As a very young woman in the early 1970’s I discovered a lump in my breast, and when I went into surgery for a breast biopsy, the physician told me that I would be going under general anesthesia, and if the tumor was malignant, I would wake up with my breast removed without having a chance to consult with another physician, or prepare myself.  When I awoke from the anesthesia, I had a bandage over an incision. I still had my breast!

Over the years I have seen the improvements in screening, diagnosis and treatment. The awareness brought forth by the American Cancer Society, and Susan G. Koman has saved lives! I got my mammograms regularly and had 12 more benign biopsies in 20 years – which were done in outpatient surgery or in physician offices.

I am grateful for  Maurine and Ada, who are my grandmothers and my heroes. Their journey and the memory of their spirit and bravery made me and my mother and sisters aware.   I am grateful to all of those who have been part of educating us about early detection and prevention. I am grateful to the scientists and researchers, and the fund raising efforts that have been initiated by passionate advocates for women’s health.  I am grateful for the cancer survivors who inspire us with their stories, and the  example of those who have left a legacy of their courage.

Learn more about breast cancer awareness at the National Breast Cancer Association.

“The goal is to live a full, productive life, even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens; whether the cancer flares up again, or you die – the important thing is that the days you have had – that you will live.”  Gilder Radner

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About the Author:    Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living  , located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years experience in not-for-profit and for profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living.

Are we “Caregivers?” or “Care Partners?”

“Most people agree that the world would be a better place if we all cared more for one another, but despite that initial agreement we find it is hard to say exactly what we mean by caring.”   – Nel Noddings, Caring and Social Policy    

As an eldercare professional or family caregiver are you sometimes surprised by the amount of time you spend in the caregiving tasks?

Do you ever feel that the snack or meals to prepare, the hands to wash, the shower to give, the transferring into and out of bed or wheelchairs, the assistance with dressing, toileting, and eating, the medications to give, or the laundry to do is getting in the way of engaging in relationship with the person you are caring for?

• What if we adopted a new way of thinking about care and incorporated it into the heart of our caring rituals?
• What would our practice look like if we lifted-up the daily chores of caring as honorable rituals and essential caring practices in partnership with one another and the person we care for?

  Care is not a one-way street

  In a culture that typically views aging as a period of decline, I believe that no matter how old we are or what challenges we live with, life is about continuing to grow.  I work with Care Partners and elders and families.  From them, I  have learned that care is not a one-way street, but rather a collaborative partnership.  It warms my heart to see caregivers embracing their person-centered elder-directed roles as ‘Care Partners’ -as active participants in the balance of giving and receiving.  Together, care partner teams strive to enhance the well-being of both the person providing care and the person receiving care.  It is a partnership. It is a relationship.

Caring is not only a physical task. 

Caring requires understanding, relationship, and partnership. In routines such as washing and dressing, feeding and comforting, I have witnessed a transformation of daily caring rituals through care partnerships into opportunities for engaging, connecting and learning.  I have seen  Care Partners and Elders learning every moment the deepest lessons through the caring partnership.

If a person is receiving care and does not have the opportunity to give care or even have a say in his/her own care – they become helpless and hopeless.  In a care partner relationship, the elder adult is empowered. 

In the past, caring may have been viewed as a minimum standard of keeping an elder adult safe and clean, or as something ‘anyone’ could do.  

In the emerging future, care must be viewed as an intentional practice that connects us to one another, requires specialized knowledge about elders, about learning, and human development.  

• Caring rituals are a science
• Caring rituals are an art form.  
• Caring rituals enhance the elder adult’s physical, spiritual, emotional and social well-being.
• Caring rituals compel us to be intelligent, thinking, respectful, state-of-the-art-care partners.  
• Caring rituals allow us to be partners in the caring relationship – empowering the vulnerable person to teach us how to care by listening, observing and partnering for that person’s well being as well as our own.

To care we must seek to know many things. We care with plans, purpose, objectives, and heart.

Families trust us with the care of the oldest citizens in our communities.  The caring rituals that elders and families seek from us have the potential to shape our unique identity as Care Partners.  

The best of our Senior Housing Communities become second homes of elders and their families and our care partners.  They receive comfort and confidence in joining us, teaching us, and partnering with us.

 As Milton Mayeroff said, “In the sense in which a man can ever be said to be at home in the world, he is at home not through domination, or explaining, or appreciating, but through caring and being cared for” (On Caring published 1971).  

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

A rising tide raises all ships

“Don’t give away our secrets” says the executive of the senior living company. We all want to maintain our “competitive edge” in business. You want a niche, a differentiator, the Purple Cow. The problem is, most people think that the Purple Cow is achieved by sitting in a room trying to out-think their competitors. 

I’ve been asked to do a presentation at the Spring Expo for the Oregon Health Care Association. I love speaking and I love sharing knowledge, so I have no problem jumping at the chance. I’ve presented before at a couple of the OHCAevents. I very much respect the organization and their efforts to assist senior living providers with support, advocacy, training, and resources for both the regulatory and innovation arenas. Helping with one short presentation is a fun way to give back for their support. They are an organization that fosters connection and collaboration. 

The enthusiasm for knowledge-share and collaboration is also something I wish more businesses would do. Our industry (any industry, really) is riddled with companies that say they want to work together to advance the field, but they hoard “proprietary systems” or information. They think they are better, more innovative, or progressive. The truth is, the family tree of the senior living world stems from the same “Adam and Eve.” We’re all related somehow. Sure, we’ve got a different approach and philosophy than others. The services, though, won’t change much from place to place. 

What I wish more companies would do, though, is recognize one thing: a rising tide raises all ships.

If we truly do collaborate to bring the best ideas together, we create better care and better environments for all. That means a better environment for all now and in the future—our future. Eldercare isn’t just now. It isn’t just for the “Silver Tsunami”. It is the future of many generations that we are working to improve. The more we let go of our insistence on secrecy, the more we improve for all. The more we improve for all now, the more our own futures improve. Collective improvement means the public will desire to use our services more. The value presents itself when the person using the goods or services is involved in the process of its creation and therefore, adoption of the service is a natural step in the process. Sharing is the first step toward a better future. 

Let’s rise together.

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About the Author: Amira Fahoum, Director of Operations – NW Region for Compass Senior Living, spent over ten years working her way through a variety of positions for national senior living management companies. For a couple of years, she spread her wings at an international not-for-profit association in the education technology field. While she gained valuable experience, she realized her true passions are in senior living.

Amira is a graduate of the University of Washington and lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, Michael. When not working you’ll find her on the golf course, running, volunteering for road runs, working with college students as Co-Chapter Advisor for the U of O Evans Scholars program, or traveling around the world.

Amira has a passion for experiencing everything life can offer and creating meaningful experiences for others. She’s happiest when she can make others smile. Helping elders become comfortable, have a purpose and enjoy life to the fullest is her mission.

If it breaks your heart – follow that path

 

If it breaks your heart – follow that path     

The role of caring for others can make your heart sing!  It can also break your heart.  I have learned that when you find something that breaks your heart, you know you have found a path leading to your purpose and your advocacy.

When I was a young caregiver in a nursing home in the 1970’s, I felt excited and honored to have the opportunity to care for elders.  I took my CNA class and was ready to begin my journey. Little did I know at the time that this was my apprenticeship into eldercare and would one day become my life’s work.

Nursing Homes in the 1970’s were not like they are today.  Filled with anticipation of this honorable work, I  found that I was forced to line people up, wrapped in bath blankets sitting in ‘potty chairs’ outside the bathing room.  I was assigned the job of ‘bath aide’ and one-by-one the residents were wheeled in, and scrubbed down, and wheeled out.  Some of them screaming, or kicking, or crying, or simply silent.   When I indignantly spoke to the Charge Nurse about how this felt so disrespectful to me, she told me not to get too ‘attached’ to these old people as they are going to die soon anyway.

She said, “The tasks are of primary importance to keep people clean and fed.  Just do what you are told.” My job required turning contracted bodies every two hours, taking vitals, attending to incontinence needs, feeding 6 people at a time at a U shaped table, shoveling the food into their mouths like birds in a nest. I saw the look of horror, sadness, and resignation on the faces of these elders. And I was told it was against the rules to ‘get too attached.”   It was horrifying, and my heart was broken.

One overnight shift, around midnight I decided to ‘break the rules.’   I sat with a a very old woman.  She never spoke, and silently endured her situation. My hurting heart felt drawn to her as she was quietly weeping.  I sat next to her and I held her hand. I looked into her beautiful green eyes filled with tears, and I began to cry. I laid my head on her shoulder and I cried (actually I sobbed).  She began to stroke my hair, and then she began to sing softly. “Hush little baby, don’t say a word, Mamma’s gonna buy you a Mockingbird…You will be the sweetest little baby in town.” 

It made my heart sing In that moment – feeling her touch – hearing her voice – allowing her to care for me.

As I left work the next morning,  I was filled with a mixture of emotions.  The elder woman made my heart sing in a moment of brokenness.  At the same time, I was filled with anger and sadness.  I was heartbroken!   How could people who had lived long and beautiful lives be treated this way?   I understood that their bodies needed to be cared for, but how that was done was shockingly disrespectful.  It broke my heart to see people sitting alone in wheelchairs, slumped over at tables with no respect for the wholeness of their spirit. I was outraged that as a caregiver, I was not allowed to attend to the needs of the human spirit – the need to connect, to be loved, to be respected, to be self-actualized.

What breaks your heart can define your purpose

I left that job and didn’t return to eldercare until many years later, but this experience ignited a fire in my belly.  My heart went out to caregivers, who are deserving of  kindness, and opportunities to grow too in this important work.  I wanted eldercare workers to be respected as eldercare professionals. And while, yes, the tasks are important, there is no reason why caregivers cannot be inspired to practice care in a way that they can be in partnership and in joy with those they are caring for.

I came back to eldercare in Assisted Living in the late 1990’s.  In 2003 I heard about the work of Dr. Bill Thomas, founder of the Eden Alternative. Dr. Thomas has focused on changing the culture of care since the early 1990’s. His approach to person-centered, elder-directed care initially came to life in nursing homes and has since expanded its reach to all care settings, including Assisted Living and Memory Care.

When Dr. Thomas was the Medical Director of a nursing home in upstate NY, he recognized that older people were dying from “plagues of the human spirit” – loneliness, helplessness and boredom.

Yes!  This was exactly what I had experienced when I was a C.N.A. as a young woman!  I took a  3 day workshop  to learn more about the Eden Alternative, and later I went on to become a Certified Eden Alternative Educator, and an advocate for an elder-directed, person-centered philosophy.

“An Elder-directed community commits to creating a Human Habitat where life revolves around close and continuing contact with people of all ages and abilities, as well as plants and animals. It is these relationships that provide the young and old alike with a pathway to a life worth living.“  –  Dr. Bill Thomas from “10 principles of the Eden Alternative.”

I learned, and I now teach the antidotes to loneliness, helplessness, and boredom.  Below are three of the Eden Alternative Principles that reveal the antidote.

• Loving companionship is the antidote to loneliness. Elders deserve easy access to human and animal companionship.
• An Elder-directed community gives the opportunity for elders to give care as well as to receive care.  This is the antidote to helplessness.
• An Elder-directed community imbues daily life with variety and spontaneity by creating an environment in which unexpected and unpredictable interactions and happenings can take place. This is the antidote to boredom.

Here you may read all of the  10 Principles of the Eden Alternative.

Since that day, many years ago –  when I reflect on how the respect and value of the caregivers reflects directly on the value and care of the elder – it resonates with me and validates that I am on the path that I was called to follow.

Caring is what makes us human. Now, that makes my heart sing!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

“I don’t want to live with a bunch of old people” – Creating Intergenerational Connections!

I have discussions often with people about senior housing options.  Sometimes the discussion is with family, and sometimes the discussion is with an elder adult.  Even if the elder adult is in his or her late 80’s or older, the biggest downside comment about senior housing I hear is, “I don’t want to live with a bunch of old people.”   

In a recent conversation, sure enough, I heard it again.  “I don’t want to live with a bunch of old people – drooling, useless, put away with other old and useless people.”   I reached for the person’s hand, and I said, “That would be a horrible existence! I don’t want to live with a bunch of old people either!”

This opened our conversation to talk about how our society has changed over the past 50 years.  Families no longer live in close proximity to one another.  The adult children of the elder generation are usually in situations where both partners work, and they are also dealing with childcare or college for their children.

Psychologists refer to the cycle of life as an arc.

You are born, you grow, you live, and then at a certain age…40 or 50 perhaps, you have an ‘over the hill party’ and you begin to decline and die around age 70 or so. At least that is what societal norms would have us believe.

However, people are now living into their 80’s, 90’s, and into the next century. The leading thought today is that as human beings we continue to evolve and grow into Elderhood and beyond.  It is not an arc, but a circle. We have more time and opportunity to build communities as we all evolve as human beings.

New Intergenerational Families in Relationship with one another

Today, we have 5 generations working and living together in long-term care, with our greatest generation (average age 84 -87 years old).  A person who decides to move into a senior housing community will today find themselves surrounded by a new intergenerational family.

This gives us opportunities to harvest and unleash the power and creativity of an intergenerational team that may inspire and transform eldercare as a vibrant, interesting, and forward-thinking community of people.

The Millennials and Zillennials (Generation Z), along with the Boomers and Generation X have the honor to connect, build relationships and learn together to support one another on this shared life journey to learn about and experience this wonderful developmental stage of life called elderhood. A bonus for all of us is a chance to learn from the wisdom and experience of elders – the 5th generation in our workplace!

• The Traditionalist (born between 1900 – 1945 – The elders we serve! ages 70- 100+)
• The Boomers ( ages 54-73 in 2018)
• Generation X (ages 38-53 in 2018)
• The Millennials (ages 24-37 in 2018)
• The Zillennials (Generation Z) (ages 6 – 23 in 2018)

It is time for us to reexamine and empower these generations, and embrace new leadership styles and cultures as thought leaders in the industry.

Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z – ranging from a generation born in the fallout of the Great Depression to a generation who has never known life without iPhones and social media, there are few commonalities between these five generations.

While each one is increasingly unique, there is one characteristic that each of these five generations shares – they are all co-participants in today’s workforce.

Let’s take advantage of this opportunity to inspire our teams to work together to create an intergenerational family within a culture of caring in our Senior Housing Communities.

Elders do NOT need to feel like they are “living with a ‘bunch of old people’ – but are part of a vibrant, productive, happy family of all ages!

For the first time in history, we have five generations side-by-side in the modern workplace.

Longer lifespans, delayed retirement and an eagerness to begin working earlier are just a few of the reasons we are seeing a greater span of generations working together than ever before.   Each generation is prominent and unique – and have power working together as a family.

• Generation Z: They may be young, but they are entering the workforce earlier than most.  Gen Z is coming into our communities with a strong entrepreneurial drive. They will be your early adopters and mentors and teachers when you install a new EMAR or Electronic Record system or implement technology for your Elders to stay connected to families.
• Millennials aren’t just working for the money, but also for a bigger, common purpose, so establishing a core purpose and living the mission as a role model is a sure way to attract Millennials. Show them that their coworkers are intelligent and talented people to work with. Give them more value and opportunities to learn at work, and acknowledge them when they do well and give them feedback when they need to improve.
• Gen X: To appeal to this generation, it’s best if a leader is direct with them regarding feedback on their performance, allow flexibility for work-life balance and reward hard work. They desire intelligent authority figures to respect and learn from.  Generation X is driven by results and often succeed when given a project deadline with little structure and the flexibility to work when they think is best.
• Boomers: A teaching opportunity can reinforce the boomer’s importance in the workplace, teach the younger generations, bridge the gap between the two, and promote collaboration – something boomers often value greatly.
• Traditionalist: One of their most prominent and defining characteristics is a strong work ethic; since they grew up in the aftermath of the Great Depression, they often see working as a privilege.    The Elders are the ‘HEART’ of your Community Family, and they can have a purpose by being included in the interviewing of a new team member, or teaching a life skills class to your care team, or working with a team on a community outreach project. Perhaps they would like to form a ‘Wisdom Circle’ where they can teach and guide some of the care team members. They have a prominent place in the family.

Multiple generations living and working together create a sense of safety, love, and belonging, and builds self-esteem. It gives everyone opportunities to learn from one another and hear different perspectives on the same ideas.

Celebrate the unique strengths of each generation and empower them to learn from each other to create a more collaborative, engaged environment. When care teams, families, and residents care for each other; have more opportunities to learn; are engaged and making a difference – overall happiness increases – now, that is a family to be proud of!

 

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Education and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

 

 

What does your Crescendo look like?

Life is a series of events that, when put together, write your story. The next chapter is up to you. Always strive to write it better than the one before. . .your Crescendo.

My story

I have moved through my life, guided by the silent anticipation and stereotype of what each stage of my life should look like. I became focused on seeking certain expectations, or landmarks so to speak, that I thought I needed to achieve during each decade as I aged with the vision of my future during my teens hitting its pinnacle when I hit middle-age. And then, all of a sudden I found myself sitting at that pinnacle. That age where I realized that I am now on the cusp of a stage in my life that seemed so far away – elderhood.  While the story I have written so far is good, it is not really what I envisioned and it sure isn’t over.

I have started to think about what aging looks like and how I will wear it as I move closer to that reality. Will I have blue-gray hair? Will I use a walker? Will I have to give up my drivers license? Will I shuffle when I walk? Will I view it as a time of life where I sit in a rocking chair waiting for the inevitable? Will it be considered a time when living becomes viewed as ‘going through the motions’ just to get through a day?

As I enter my sixth decade of life I am one of 108.7 million folks age 50-plus.

• This includes 76.4 million boomers (born 1946-64), compared with 49 million Gen Xers and 82 million millennials.
• Moreover, people 50-plus will continue to grow over the next decade to the tune of 19 million vs. a growth of only 6 million for the 18-49 population.

My life is a book, with chapters created from every milestone, moment, or mundane/routine/ordinary day I have lived so far. Some chapters are thicker, happier, or more exciting than others, but these scripts are what build the story of my life.

Age loudly!  Age intensely!

Crescendo…used as a verb, it means to increase in loudness or intensity. I associate this word with music, mystery novels, movies, dramatic tv shows, and the list goes on. But I have never thought to use that word to define my life…until now.

We are supposed to get better, smarter, more vibrant, wiser with age, not simply exist to mark time. There are a lot of people out there just like me wanting to change the face of aging, to change our perception of what our elderhood will look like.

So grab that pen, write that next chapter, and create your crescendo. I know I am.

Age loudly. Live intensely.

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About the author: Tina Woodcock is the Graphic Designer at Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Tina creates all of the print advertising for 21 Compass Senior Living communities in 7 different states. She takes great pride in sharing the goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun of all of our communities.