Finding Beauty in Brokenness – “Golden joinery”

“We are all broken.  That’s how the light gets in.”  Ernest Hemmingway

How did you feel the last time a coffee mug slipped from your hands and shattered on your kitchen floor? Probably some combination of surprise and annoyance. If it was an heirloom or a sentimental piece, you may have even felt supremely guilty as you swept up the shards.

In Japan, instead of tossing these pieces in the trash, some craftsmen practice the 500-year-old art of kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” which is a method of restoring a broken piece with a lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum.

Reverance and restoration

The kintsugi method conveys a philosophy not of replacement, but of awe, reverence, and restoration. The gold-filled cracks of a once-broken item are a testament to its history. As Shimoda says, “It’s one beautiful way of living, that you fix your dish by yourself.”

Society’s greatest accomplishment – Longevity. What are we going to do about it?

One thing is certain for all of us, if we are lucky – we will age.  In a society that celebrates ‘anti-aging’ products and dialogue – elderhood is still considered a state of  ‘brokenness.’

At age 40 we may get an ‘over-the-hill’ party, and we begin talking about getting old as though it is a curse. If you think you are ‘old and broken’, you are right.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and many people using the stereotypical language are diminishing themselves and missing out on many more years of a life well lived.

If you were born in 1900, you had a pretty good chance of dying by your 50th birthday. Today, thanks to improved health and safety, a dramatic increase in average life expectancy during the 20th-century ranks is one of society’s greatest achievements,” notes a report from the National Institute on Aging.

While birth rates are dropping, average life expectancy is still rising, as more and more people live past 80, 90, and even 100. The population of people demographers refer to as the “oldest old” is ballooning relative to other age groups — with no signs of slowing down.

Conscious Aging – Can we apply the concepts of kintsugi or “golden joinery?”

So, with an additional 30+ years of life, can we look at our lives more intentionally?  Can we optimize our life experiences, our ‘brokenness’, and take the opportunity to explore the kintsugi philosophy to recycle our experience to create a life of awe, reverence, and restoration? The gold-filled cracks in our lives can become a testament to our history.

You are never too young to begin preparing to be your best version of yourself into your elderhood.   Below are some tips to practice kintsugi, or “golden joinery,” to experience elderhood as the crescendo of your lifetime!  Begin now!

1. Develop a willingness to deal with life completion and overcoming the desire to stay in denial of aging.
2. Come to terms with your mortality. Yes, we are all going to die.
3. Acquire the skills of ‘golden joinery’ to gain courage and strength from the gold-filled  ‘cracks’ and ‘brokenness’ of your life, realizing awe, reverence, and restoration.
4. Beginning to do life repair:
   • in  your health
   • in practical matters with wills and testaments
   • in relationships and between generations
   • by reaching into the past and offering release and healing
   • through forgiveness work with release from vindictiveness
   • by finding the pearls in the anxious memories
5. Do the philosophical homework by raising questions about the purpose and the meaning of your life.
6. Serve as elders to others as guides, mentors, and agents of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, the nation, and the family by being wisdom keepers.
7. Prepare for a serene death and afterlife.
8. Do all of this nobly in connectedness with the inner, actualized self,  already realized, individuated, and complete.

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 To learn more, Sage-ing International is a community of elders and elders-to-be who are ready to explore new ways of aging.  Beginning as a networking organization for professionals, they have expanded their focus, reaching out to everyone approaching or in the second half of life. Their vision includes teaching/learning, service, and community as three vitally important aspects of the Sage-ing journey.

A beautiful Elder woman fully whole and perfect. A living example of ‘golden joinery’ or ‘kintsugi”

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Marketing and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

A Saga of the newer shoes – An Elder perspective

Harriet’s gym shoes began to disintegrate at exercise on Friday.  Small chunks just fell on the floor.  Friends recognized what happened before we did and handed some of the scraps to us, with comments about the age of the shoes. . . and us.  Well, we had two days to replace the shoes, before the next class.  Harriet really didn’t want to shop, but reluctantly agreed.

What a hassle for me, a man trying to find shoes for a woman, in a store with no help in sight.  If one considers size, style, brands, color, and price, there were overwhelming options. A friendly customer helped me because I couldn’t read the details on the boxes.  I picked out one that I thought might work.  Without a shoehorn, it took all my best effort to get it on her foot.  I was exhausted.

I searched further.  Same results.  I finally walked to the cashier and asked if someone could help.  A woman introduced herself and said the “shoe person” was out to lunch, but she would try.  That took another twenty unproductive minutes before the “shoe person” finally arrived.

Harriet was not at her best.  Her answers were “I don’t know” or “it doesn’t make any difference to me”.  About an hour later, she agreed to go with a pair: Black, Size 8.5, New Balance brand, Medium width, “Training” shoes.  Whew!

When we reached the cashier, she informed us that in the box were two shoes for the right foot.

The moral of the story:  If at 95, you want to buy new shoes for your wife, aged 96, you need a well-tempered sense of humor.  

(We returned them.  A pair of veteran SAS shoes has been drafted.  They just may last as long as we do)

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About the author:  Richard Smith, Minister, and Community Leader

Richard and Harriet Smith have been part of the Florence, Oregon community for the past thirty years and live at  Shorewood Senior Living. Mr. Smith has been involved in countless projects, businesses, and groups.

His mother taught him that if you have leadership ability it will be discovered. There is no need to push yourself into it or brag about yourself. Mr. Smith believes there is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit.

Mr. Smith attended Yale University where he met his wife. They were both attending the Divinity school there. He is a retired Presbyterian minister and has been married to his sweetheart for 68 years. They say, “Life is good basically – we both agree on that.”

In 1992 Mr. Smith was nominated for the First Citizen award for Florence in recognition for his work and contribution to the many groups and businesses.

 

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If you are an elder adult or know an elder adult who has a story to share, please contact Jean Garboden at jgarboden@compass-living.com, or at 503-851-8668.  The voices of the elder generation can make us laugh, inspire us, and inform us!  We want (and we need) to hear from you!

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What does your Crescendo look like?

Life is a series of events that, when put together, write your story. The next chapter is up to you. Always strive to write it better than the one before. . .your Crescendo.

My story

I have moved through my life, guided by the silent anticipation and stereotype of what each stage of my life should look like. I became focused on seeking certain expectations, or landmarks so to speak, that I thought I needed to achieve during each decade as I aged with the vision of my future during my teens hitting its pinnacle when I hit middle-age. And then, all of a sudden I found myself sitting at that pinnacle. That age where I realized that I am now on the cusp of a stage in my life that seemed so far away – elderhood.  While the story I have written so far is good, it is not really what I envisioned and it sure isn’t over.

I have started to think about what aging looks like and how I will wear it as I move closer to that reality. Will I have blue-gray hair? Will I use a walker? Will I have to give up my drivers license? Will I shuffle when I walk? Will I view it as a time of life where I sit in a rocking chair waiting for the inevitable? Will it be considered a time when living becomes viewed as ‘going through the motions’ just to get through a day?

As I enter my sixth decade of life I am one of 108.7 million folks age 50-plus.

• This includes 76.4 million boomers (born 1946-64), compared with 49 million Gen Xers and 82 million millennials.
• Moreover, people 50-plus will continue to grow over the next decade to the tune of 19 million vs. a growth of only 6 million for the 18-49 population.

My life is a book, with chapters created from every milestone, moment, or mundane/routine/ordinary day I have lived so far. Some chapters are thicker, happier, or more exciting than others, but these scripts are what build the story of my life.

Age loudly!  Age intensely!

Crescendo…used as a verb, it means to increase in loudness or intensity. I associate this word with music, mystery novels, movies, dramatic tv shows, and the list goes on. But I have never thought to use that word to define my life…until now.

We are supposed to get better, smarter, more vibrant, wiser with age, not simply exist to mark time. There are a lot of people out there just like me wanting to change the face of aging, to change our perception of what our elderhood will look like.

So grab that pen, write that next chapter, and create your crescendo. I know I am.

Age loudly. Live intensely.

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About the author: Tina Woodcock is the Graphic Designer at Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Tina creates all of the print advertising for 21 Compass Senior Living communities in 7 different states. She takes great pride in sharing the goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun of all of our communities.

Edith, Denise, and Me – “I live every day like it is the FIRST day of my life!”

 

As I travel around the country, my greatest pleasure is connecting with elders living in our communities.  If the community has an available apartment I stay as a guest. I visited Majestic Rim Retirement Community in Payson Arizona and met Denise and Edith.  I recorded Denise and Edith’s stories for our Tiny Stories™ program and then Edith invited us to go hot-tubbing. We laughed as Edith showed us how she could still raise her feet above her head.

As we soaked in the hot tub we shared stories and talked about life.  Edith said, “You know, I believe in life before death.”   I said, “Really, tell me more!”  She shared more of her personal stories of both hardship and joy.  Edith reflected that life is a journey of mountaintops and valleys.  She said living in the present is the key.

“Today is the day where we have a choice to find our happiness.”  She said, “I live each day like it is the first day of the rest of my adventure!”

The next day, I hugged Edith and thanked her.   I told her that her life-example had a profound effect on me.

As I left Arizona to go home, I pondered my own life.  Living each day like it is my FIRST means not looking back with regret and  wishing  I ‘would have’ or ‘could have.’   I recognized I was free to continually reach out to newer, richer, deeper, life-changing experiences.

As human beings, we are most fully alive when we are changing and growing and stretching our boundaries in our quest to be all we are meant to be physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually.  Edith, in her 9th decade, was living a vibrant, joyful, generous, and adventurous life every day.

My short visit with Edith and Denise was a big ‘aha’ for me!  Yes, life-affirming words from a wise. sassy, beautiful elder.

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Thanks Dad – my Elder Guide! (Father’s day June 18)

My father, Samuel Russell Harris,  died when I was 27 years old.  Even today I still miss him. He was an eternal optimist! We didn’t have much as a child, but my Dad always encouraged us to turn tough times into an adventure of learning and joy in even the smallest of trials.

I remember when we were getting close to payday and were deciding about what to prepare from our meager cupboards, he joked, “Let’s pick some dandelions, and have them for dinner, and then we can tell the story someday about how we survived on dandelion greens!”   Little did he know that today we would be buying dandelions at Whole Foods as a nutritious green food!

My dad was an advocate of the power of positive thinking.  When I was a little girl he began reading to me from Norman Vincent Peale’s book, The Power of Positive Thinking, first published in 1952, and also read to me from Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence people, written in 1936, and other writers of the era such as Napoleon Hill, Thoreau, and Hemingway.  Dad wrote poetry and kept a daily journal.  He told me,  growing up in the 1950’s and 1960’s, that no matter what society dictated as limitations, I could do good and make a difference in the world if my heart so desired.

My dad only had an 8th-grade education.  He had a traumatic brain injury at age 15 when hit by a car and in a coma for 4 months.  Despite his hard start in life, my dad was one of the smartest men I have ever known. When asked what he did for a living Dad laughed and responded, “I am a  jack of all trades.”

To me, Dad was my elder-guide.  He was self-educated, a poet, a philosopher, a dreamer, and an adventurer.  I am grateful that, as my elder-guide, he prepared me to approach life’s ups and downs with hope and inspiration. I am honored to be his daughter carrying his spirit of curiosity, optimism, and adventure on my life journey too.

I recognize that a father is not always defined by their genetic association with a child.  I respect and appreciate others who have stepped up to be  role models,  elder guides, and an inspiration for so many.

You may have an elder guide in your life, either male or female who has inspired you to be the best you can be!  Your elder guides shape who you are and encourage you to be greater than you thought you could be. Elderhood is so powerful with wisdom and guidance for us all.

Around the world, people are celebrating their fathers and father role models.   I found that more than 30 countries in the world are celebrating Father’s day On June 18th.  In Catholic Europe, it has been celebrated on March 19 (St. Joseph’s Day) since the Middle Ages. The Spanish and Portuguese brought this celebration to Latin America, where March 19 is often still the date,  though many countries in Europe and the Americas have adopted the U.S. date.

Below, see the dates in other countries in the world when fathers are honored!

• Third Sunday in June: United States, Argentina, Aruba[,Canada, China, Costa Rica, France, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Ireland, Japan, Kenya, Macau, Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Netherlands, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Singapore, South Africa, Slovakia, Sri Lanka, Trinidad, Tobago, Turkey, United Kingdom, Ukraine, Venezuela.
• February 23: Russia
• March 19 (St. Joseph’s Day) – Croatia, Italy. Portugal, Spain,
• May: 2^nd Sunday – Romania
• May 1: Israel
• May 8: Korea
• June 1st Sunday: Lithuania
• June 2^nd Sunday: Austria, Belgium
• June 5 Denmark
• June 23: Poland
• June Last Sunday: Haiti
• August 2: Brazil
• August 8: Mongolia, Taiwan
• September 1^st Sunday: Australia
• September 2^nd Sunday: Latvia
• November 1^st Sunday – New Zealand
• November 2^nd : Sunday. Estonia, Finland, Sweden, Norway
• November 12: Indonesia
• November 2^nd: Sunday. Estonia, Finland, Sweden, Norway
• December 5: Thailand
• 40^th Day after Easter (Ascension day): Germany

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“I always joke that my kids’ favorite holiday is Father’s Day. They love the way I celebrate the occasion by writing each of them a thank-you letter and a check. It’s my way of letting them know how much I appreciate the great pleasure and privilege of being their dad.” Wayne Dyer

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Old people are less relevant, and have less value – self fulfilling prophecy?

“When we expect certain behaviors of others, we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur.” (Rosenthal  1985)

In 1968 Dr. Robert Rosenthal conducted an experiment. The teachers in a single California elementary school were told that some of their students could be expected to be “intellectual bloomers,” doing better than expected in comparison to their classmates.

• The “intellectual bloomers” names were made known to the teachers, and the teachers were not told that these children were actually no more talented or smarter than other kids, scoring average and below average IQ scores.
• At the end of the study, all students were again tested with the same IQ test used at the beginning of the study. All six grades in both experimental and control groups showed a  gain in IQ from before the test to after the test.
• However, First and Second Graders showed statistically significant gains favoring the experimental group of “intellectual bloomers.” This led to the conclusion that teacher expectations, particularly for the youngest children, can influence student achievement.
• Rosenthal concluded that even attitude or mood could positively affect the students when the teacher was made aware of the children they thought to be  “intellectual bloomers.” The teacher may pay closer attention to and even treat the child differently in times of difficulty.
• This study has been utilized over the past 50 years, in different situations, and is called a self-fulfilling prophecy or Pygmalion or Rosenthal effect.
• If a group or a person has a particular expectation of a certain behavior of another group or a person, the expected behavior is likely to occur.

When it comes to aging, our whole culture is saturated with the expectation that there are certain stereotypes of how older people should act including elder adults themselves.

“What if everything we have learned about aging is wrong?”  Dr. Bill Thomas,

• Society expects and believes that elderhood and aging are bad, sad, and depressing – and so, as we age we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur!
• A study published in the journal Experimental Aging Research suggests that just reminding elders of the fact that older people have bad memories, for example, may be enough to negatively affect their recall ability.
• Not surprising given that this effect can be found in any subgroup or individual. Tell someone they are dumb long enough and they will believe it and act accordingly.

Self-perceptions and society perceptions of aging tend to influence thoughts and behaviors without people being consciously aware that this is happening.  Changing perceptions of aging is challenging because it involves both individual perceptions of aging and wide-spread societal negative stereotypes that are plastered on social media, news, and in advertising.

Changing aging can begin with you and me.  After all, whatever your age, if you are not an elder now,  you are an elder-in-waiting!

“What you think, you become,” Buddha taught. You’ve heard high-minded quotes like these all your life. Now science has caught up. We can finally quantify and track how beliefs and expectations can shape outcomes.

Older adults who associate aging with ongoing growth and the pursuit of meaningful activities are more likely to view experiences – both enjoyable and challenging in adaptive ways.   We need to push back on the societal stereotypes.  And the data proves that we must, indeed change the current paradigm of aging now to preserve our own true identities as we age.

• Longevity: A 23-year study,  of older adults who reported more positive self-perceptions of aging lived 7.5 years longer than those who bought into society’s negative stereotype of aging.
•  Illness: In a study of 1,286 people who believed that aging is a time of continued learning and development reported fewer illnesses six years later.  In contrast, those who believed that aging is a time of physical loss had increased physical illness over the same time period.
• Brain Health: Compared to people with more positive views of aging, those who endorsed more negative age stereotypes displayed greater signs of risk factors for Alzheimer’s Disease. It was discovered that the hippocampus, an area of the brain related to memory, decreased in size at a faster rate in those who embraced negative age stereotypes. (Moser, Spagnoli, & Santos-Eggimann, 2011)

So, when you look in the mirror, see the truth about yourself.  We are all aging, and society may say you are ‘over the hill,” worn out, of no value, unattractive, and worse. Do you believe that?  Or are you ready to disrupt that idea?

Look at your future elder self in a mirror.  What do you see?  It is proven that “As we think we shall become.”

• Look at your future elder self: Do you see yourself as a full, capable, beautiful human being, with a vibrant curious spirit even if you have lost your hair, your mobility,  your vision, or your mind?
• Look at your future elder self: Do you see yourself growing, learning, giving, playing, and living?
• Look at your future elder self:  Are you able to embrace your life, and recognize that you have much to give and share – right up until that very last breath when you transition to your next great adventure?

Join the movement to change society’s stereotype of aging. Do not let the expectations of society about aging become a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.   You have an opportunity now to change your future experience beyond adulthood, embracing your journey into your own elderhood.

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

I have a 20-year old brain in an old body

What do people over 100 years old want you to know?

I think you will enjoy this 3-minute video below featuring  100-year-old Grandma Eileen who answers the question, “What do I ask old people?”   She answers candidly, and she may give you insight into your own future-self as you continue on your journey when you will someday enter into the wonderful developmental stage of elderhood!

“I have a 20-year-old brain in an old body.”  “My secret is that you make your own happiness, and you make the place better where you are”

This week I went to a celebration of life for 105-year-old Ina Hinds.  Ina and I visited every week at church.  She was interesting and fun. She wore beautiful hats.  Her lipstick and makeup immaculate, and she was dressed ‘to the nines’.   She was beautiful, and her vibrant spirit inspires us today.

In Las Vegas, where I live, Ina Hinds was locally famous and was frequently mentioned in local news stories for her participation in active exercise classes past her 100th birthday.

As a widow in 1992, (age 81),  Ina joined an active exercise class at the YMCA and continued regularly.

“Everybody in the class was at least 60,” said Esther Abele, more than 30 years younger than Hinds. “But Ina was always the oldest, and an inspiration to all of us. She was still coming when she was more than 100. When she got macular degeneration and could no longer drive, she got somebody to bring her. When she started having to use a cane, she hung the cane on a chair, and sat in the chair using hand weights.” Ina recruited much younger women to the class.

Ina Hinds at 105 birthday party in Las Vegas Nevada

There is a stereotype of old and very old people. They are often not seen as whole and capable with a collective life experience and a desire to make a difference in the world. Ina was a progressive woman. She was born before women could vote. She put herself and her children through college. She worked at the Pentagon, and she was active in many social causes.

Yet, at her memorial service, many people were surprised at her life accomplishments.  Why?  Because they did not ask her!

Ask the elders in your life what they are looking forward to.  You may be surprised.  Too often we think that elders primarily want to reflect on the past.  Ask about lessons learned from their past experiences that can help you or the world be better today. Those over 100 years old who I meet as I travel around the United States tell me that they live with joy one day at a time, looking forward with gratitude and in anticipation for each new day.

How well-known to you are the elders in your life?

• Take the time to ask meaningful questions about their experience, their hopes and their dreams.
• Record their stories in video or audio formats to keep for generations.
• Create wisdom circles in your homes or in your community where elders and younger people gather to talk and share life experiences, advice, and laughter.

If you are not an elder now – you are an elder-in-waiting. Let us now look to our elders as role models, Showing us how to live with grace and joy into elderhood!

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Elderhood – What do we want to do with an extra 30 years?

“There’s a long life ahead of you, and it’s going to be beautiful, as long as you keep loving and hugging each other.” ~ Yoko Ono

Between 1900 and 2000, average life expectancy increased by nearly 30 years in the United States and most other developed countries of the world. For the first time in history, most people now being born can expect to live seven, eight, nine, or more decades. This changes not only the trajectory of individual lives but also the shape of societies: Adults 60 and older are now the fastest-growing segment of our population.

This increase in longevity gives rise to new important questions:

• What do we want to do with an extra 30 years?
• How should we, as individuals and as a society, shape the direction and purpose of our longer lives?
• Can we design a path to our future that improves the well-being and opportunities of people at all ages?
• Should we be creating new social and business policies that will foster these opportunities?
• How do we prepare young people for longer lives—and can these questions be answered in ways that would be beneficial for all generations?
• How do those of us in Senior Housing reimagine a  purposeful lifestyle for generous and compassionate elders who choose to live in our communities?

Unfortunately, rather than awakening a sense of celebration or innovation, the news of our longer life spans is generating fear and apprehension among individuals and concern among policymakers.

The questions posed most frequently are not the ones mentioned above, but rather these:

• Can we afford all these old people?
• Will they bankrupt our society or ransom the future of our children and grandchildren?

We have added 30 years to our lives, not just for the lucky few but for the majority of people in the developed world. The truth is that we have created a new stage of life but have not yet envisioned its purpose, meaning,  and opportunities.

What does this new stage of life mean?

• Psychologists Erik and Joan Erikson viewed later life as a time when the impulse to give back to society becomes an urgent need.
• Carl Jung, an early psychologist with interest in the challenges of the second half of life, saw older age as a fertile period of spiritual growth and individuation.
• Betty Friedan, a social psychologist, researched aging late in her life and suggested that there is a “fountain of age,” a period of renewal, growth, and experimentation based on a new freedom.

Dr. Bill Thomas, a geriatrician, is at the forefront of a strong nationwide movement to reframe life after adulthood, which is Elderhood, as an exciting stage of human growth and development. In his book Second Wind, he explores the dreams and disappointments, the struggles and triumphs of a generation of 78 million people who once said they would never grow old and never trust anyone over thirty.

Having created a new stage of life, Elderhood; the next step is to make these extra 30 years meaningful!  For some of us it may be:

• Choosing a healthy lifestyle so that the extra 30 years of life can be vibrant.
• Volunteering or working in jobs to make the world a better place; creating a legacy through service, mentoring and activism to benefit future generations.
• Embracing new paradigms for aging to realize our potential. Reinventing our life, and doing something we have always dreamed about but never had the opportunity to do
• Assuming the Elder teaching role as the conduit to connect the generations to restore the broken connections in our culture. Even the frailest elder has something to teach us, if we, as students, recognize the elder wisdom as an opportunity to actualize their purpose and legacy.

For those of us who work in the senior living industry, the typical “bible, bingo, and birthday party activity program” is not the answer. Erik and Joan Erikson viewed later life as a time when the impulse to give back to society becomes a URGENT NEED!

The truth is, we don’t yet know what Elderhood,  this new stage of life,  can be, but the first step is to change the lens through which we view aging and challenge our stereotypical assumptions.

No matter what our age or frailty or ability, we are always fully capable human beings.   Until our last breath, we are evolving, and are in a period of renewal, growth, and experimentation.     See Dr. Bill Thomas in this short video introducing his TedX talk, Elderhood Rising – the dawn of a new world age

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

FIVE really cool gifts to buy for Grandma and Grandpa!

Black Friday  is at the end of this week after Thanksgiving.  What to get for grandma and grandpa?    The lists of things to buy are usually lotions, and socks, and slippers, and grocery gift cards – all which are good!   But I was thinking…. what do elders really want?

My grandchildren say I am ‘really cool’ because I stay connected with them on Facebook, Instagram, texting, phone, and Snapchat.   I don’t know about cool, but I am grateful that in my elder years I can continue to be part of the greater community and my family even when the day comes that I cannot travel as I can now. So I asked the elders I come in contact with around the United States What do you want?   And their answers were the same as mine!

• To spend quality time with friends and family.
• To have a purposeful life.
• To maintain independence in choice.
• To  continue learning and growing.
• To have joy and spontaneity.
• To have peace of mind.

The greatest gift you can give is a way for your loved one to stay connected.   You might be surprised how savvy elders can be with a quick tutorial on tablets and iPads and smart phones.

There are some things that are important to consider, if you are thinking about technology gifts.

• Wi-fi must be set up in the senior’s home.  If living in a senior housing community, most have free wi-fi.
• It is important to have someone to to tutor and  build a relationship during the learning process to navigate the device.  Grandchildren, friends, or if in a Senior housing community, the Millennial care-team members and their volunteer teams are great resources.

FIVE REALLY COOL GIFTS FOR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

1. TABLETS AND IPADS: These all-in-one devices are in many ways perfect for seniors with their touch-screen technology and large print options.   The touch screen allows the elder to access apps easily with a tap of the finger.

• Facebook–  In our senior housing communities, I have seen the joy on the faces of elders who are connecting with grandchildren and long lost friends.  One of our Millennial care team members showed an 87 year old elder how to do a video chat on Facebook with her son.  It made her day!   The next morning, when I came into the community, she told me, “I got 8 likes last night!”  Friends she had not connected with in 40 years had found her and connected!
• Learning and researching–  I talked with a 92 year old man  sitting in the living room with earphones and the tablet watching youtube videos about how to care for plants, as he advised us on the landscaping.  He told me, “This has opened a world of new information to me!”
• Google earth– Want to ‘walk down the street’ of your childhood home, or visit places in the world?  Some of our teams have hooked a laptop or a tablet to a computer and taken a tour of the world. One woman, who was born in France was able to virtually visit her home town!
• Cost: Tablets cost between $129 – $300 depending on the brand.

2.  SMART PHONE: Phones are not only important for keeping the social connection, and necessary for quality of life — but also give elders peace of mind. Many smartphones  offer large buttons, speed dial, visual rings and more.

•  Samsung Jitterbug is available on Amazon.com for $60.
•  If your family has a a ‘family plan’ with your provider, you can add grandma or grandpa for $20 – $40  a month, and purchase the phone on an installment plan.
• Several residents and care team members were chatting with Mrs. Jackson who had just received  a new iPhone from her family.   Jasmine, a care team member,  talked about ‘Face time’, so  we asked Mrs. Jackson if she had her grandson’s phone number in her phone.  She did, and Jasmine showed her how to make a Facetime call.  When the grandson answered he saw faces of  of his grandma and all of her friends and  care team members  excited about the connection!
• Add ear phones to the gift, and show grandma or grandpa how to access their favorite music too!

3. DIGITAL PHOTOS:  With most of our photos on social media these days, we don’t often take the time to print photos.

• Digital photo frames are available from $34 to about $110 (which also supports video), depending on what size and capacity you want.
• Another nice option is to use Shutterfly, where you can upload your photos from Facebook or other social media, or directly from your phone or computer to create a traditional photo album with captions. The photo book  can be mailed directly to your grandpa and grandma to enjoy.  Depending on the size of the book, the cost can be $25 – and up.

4.  IPOD OR MP3 PLAYER & HEADPHONES: Studies have proven that music has a powerful therapeutic benefit for all people, and particularly elders.

• Purchase head phones for $15+ depending on the quality.
• Purchase an MP3 player or iPod shuffle.  The cost is between $20-$50.
• Download a song list of music you know that your grandparent loves.

If you haven’t seen the documentary ‘Alive Inside’, it is available on Netflix, and we have seen the power of music to alleviate depression, improve memory, and enhance life!

5.  AMAZON ECHO DOT: Cost  $50.   This is my newest best friend, and I have one in my home office.    In the morning I can say, “Alexa good morning, what is the weather like today?”  She gives a weather forecast.  I can ask what the time is.  I can ask Alexa to play my favorite music.  I can even order through my Amazon Prime account.  “Alexa, add sugar to my cart”.    I can also say, “Alexa, tell me a joke” (they are not very funny!), or “Alexa, what’s in the headlines today?  or  “Alexa set a timer for 10 minutes”.   This week, as I was experimenting with this, I thought this might  be nice for an elder to have in his or her home, especially if visually impaired.  If you have a ‘smart home’, you can also say, “Alexa, turn on the lights in the living room”, or  “Alexa, lock the front door.”

I found a funny video of elders learning to talk with Alexa.

I had to add this  to my “Cool list” today

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Technology is here to stay, and the elders I talk with are excited about the possibilities of leading a more vibrant connected life in this new era.  Yes, some say, “I am too old for this.”   But as soon as a connection is made, it is amazing to see how purpose, connection, spontaneity, and joy is evident in their lives!

Another documentary available on Netflix I have been following is ‘Cyber Seniors”  watch the trailer here.   Happy Holiday Shopping!

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About the Author:    Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living.  Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

The gift of grace – 5 wishes at end of life

I was recently visiting a community in Northern California, and met a spunky, feisty, opinionated 90 year old who said to me, “They say that old people can’t handle change, but look how much change we have seen in our lives!”  We talked about the evolution of our culture –  especially in the last 20 or so years of information, cell phones, and social media. She showed me her smart phone, and said, “Don’t know what I would do without it now!”  We both laughed and talked  about the past 50 years wondering how we kept our kids alive with no seat belts in our cars, and how microwaves were the newest technology!

As we connected , she told me that her daughter is upset that she is getting all her ‘ducks in a row’ for the end of her life.  She said that her daughter did not want to talk about it, and the discussion made her daughter uncomfortable.   “What’s the big deal?,” she said. “We are all going to die – that is one thing that does not change.  I am giving her a gift!” She told me how she has  all of the funeral arrangements in place, the dress she wants to wear, the plot purchased, and the headstone designed.  “All my kids have to do is throw a party and celebrate!”

I shared with her that my mother, who passed away in 2010, did that for us too, and she included us in the discussion and in the planning.  I also told her that no matter how old a parent is or how good a life they have lived – for their children, it is still a devastating loss, and we yearned for our mother, even though she told us it was ok, and that she was ready to transition on to her ‘next great adventure.’   So, because our mother ‘got all her ducks in a row’ –   our big family of 5 siblings had no ‘business’ to take care of.  Our mother gave us the gift of allowing us to  focus on caring for each other and embracing the memories and legacy of our mom.

I have been thinking about the wisdom of this elder woman. My husband and I have adult children, and we have not had this important conversation with one another or with our children. Even though I ask many family members and elders about their own Advance Directives, even for me it has been somewhat uncomfortable to talk about.  But like this elder said to me, “What is the big deal? We are all going to die.”   So it is smart to talk about it now.

There are two great resources online that can  help  us all begin the conversation in our homes with our families:

FIVE WISHES  is a non-profit organization sponsored by Aging with Dignity.   Five Wishes is America’s most popular living will because it is written in every day language.  A PDF file of the sample allows you to see how easy it is to begin the conversation.

Five Wishes is used in all 50 states and in countries around the world. It meets the legal requirements for an advance directive in 42 U.S. states and the District of Columbia. In the other eight states your completed Five Wishes can be attached to your state’s required form.    The FIVE WISHES ARE:

1. My wish for the person to make care decisions for me when I can’t.
2. My Wish for the kind of medical treatment I don’t want.
3. My wish for how comfortable I want to be.
4. My Wish for how I want people to treat me.
5. My Wish for what I want my loved ones to know.

MY GIFT OF GRACE  is another  resource for starting the conversation.

• My Gift of Grace is a surprisingly fun game about end of life that families around the world are using to start meaningful conversations.
• They also have a new Conversation Event Kit  that includes everything you need to host an engaging, enlightening event for your community and staff.

Conversations about values and goals are the best way to ensure that everyone gets the kind of care they want. But these conversations can be challenging to start.

No matter what your age, it is an important discussion to have, because as my new friend and wise elder told me  last week, “What’s the big deal in talking about it? We are all going to die.”  Let’s talk about how to do it with grace and as part of our legacy!

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About the Author:    Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living.  Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.