Clutter keeps you stuck in the past…Are you holding on to old ideas?

I was visiting with a 97-year-old friend who is considering a  move to a smaller place or an assisted living.  She has already downsized once, and we were discussing the many things she has in her home.  What to keep? What to give away?

She loves her things. We all do!  With every item she picked up she had a story. After one story, she looked at me, and said, “You know, clutter keeps me stuck in the past, and prevents me from moving forward in my life.”    I was surprised at this revelation.   She shared with me that she wants to continue to grow and learn and be open to new ideas, and new possibilities.

We talked about “things” and “stuff”  that makes it difficult to de-clutter our lives in order to open our minds.

Decluttering is overwhelming.

Overwhelm is the predominant challenging emotion, and often our homes reflect that.  We decided it is best to start with the easy stuff – like the old cast iron skillet, that is too heavy to lift!

Re-imagining and recreating a new version of ourselves

My friend has had many careers and opportunities to travel, and give back to her community through service.   She has been evolving and growing over the past 90 plus years.   We talked about the problem that arises when our ‘stuff’ is piling up as we shape-shift into new versions of ourselves.   There is a natural dying and rebirth that takes place as we evolve, – but we resist this process.   My friend said she recognizes she needs to let go of what she was and recreate a new version of herself in her 90’s and beyond.

Clearing clutter can help us be more creative and interesting

My friend sometimes does tell the same stories over and over.  I have friends 50 years younger than her that do the same thing.  It is not only elders who hold onto the past.  Many much younger people do the same thing – and get stuck in old ideas, resisting growth and learning.

My friend suggested that clearing her space will support her evolution so that ideas, inspirations, and insights can enter in a flash!

She said, “Holding onto old ideas that have gone past their expiration date will prevent new ideas from coming in.”

I am inspired by the wisdom of this woman.  I am looking forward to accompanying her on her journey into her 90’s.

My beautiful, insightful Elder friend is a great example that as we age, we continue to learn and grow, and are whole capable human beings.  If we are open and eager to evolve, elderhood can truly be the crescendo of our lifetime!

I realized that I hold onto ‘stuff’ myself.  I am going to de-clutter my life, to open myself to all of life’s possibilities now!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the author: Jean Garboden, Director of Education and Innovation,  is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Story Telling – the power to transform

“If history were taught in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.”– Rudyard Kipling

The Power to Transform

Stories have power. They delight, enchant, touch, teach, recall, inspire, motivate, and challenge. They help us understand. They imprint a picture in our minds. Our storytelling ability, a uniquely human trait, has been with us as long as we’ve been able to speak and listen. Not only do people love to tell stories, but people also love to hear stories!

Listen to this tiny story of Bob Brophy, who lived at Peachtree Village in Roswell New Mexico.  What a wonderful tiny story from Mr. Brophy’s library of his lifetime! (As you listen to the audio -read the transcription below the story)

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Click here to hear Mr. Brophy’s stoies

Bob Brophy, storyteller…and here comes a sailboat south… here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship… They were buck naked… I was so stunned…. It made me forget my good manners         

TRANSCRIPT:  After the storm was over we went in on the inland. We got on the canal and went out into Virginia…oh damn, my memory is failing me, but anyway we were sailing just the two of us on a yacht going north up this canal; and here comes a sailboat south, and as we passed about 20 feet apart, here’s a man and woman on board stark naked sailing the ship, and He says “Hi how are you, what’s going on?” They were buck naked. What am I going to talk about to these people? I didn’t’ have enough good manners to wish them a good trip too. I was so stunned. I remembered that all my life. It made me forget my good manners.

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“Every time an old person dies, a library burns to the ground.”  African Proverb

The Elders are truly ‘human libraries’  with stories ripe for harvesting!

We have a unique opportunity to harvest the wisdom, the humor, and memories we hear every day. We are in relationships with elders who have journeyed almost a full century on this planet. Through their stories, we connect with one another while giving our resident storytellers the opportunity to reconnect with what was once taken for granted. We give them the opportunity to share their memories for generations to come. And, the tiny stories can be preserved forever in digital media and libraries.

Through the simple process of capturing these adventures, challenges, and wisdom acquired on their life journey –  we create a profoundly enriching experience for both the storyteller and the recorder.

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To hear more tiny stories from Elder Storytellers around the United States go to the Tiny Stories Page, and get ready to smile, and be filled with the legacies of elderhood preserved here.

If you are interested in preserving your own tiny stories, or the stories of someone you love, please contact me, and I will be happy to help you save your library of tiny stories too!

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About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit health care organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

A rising tide raises all ships

“Don’t give away our secrets” says the executive of the senior living company. We all want to maintain our “competitive edge” in business. You want a niche, a differentiator, the Purple Cow. The problem is, most people think that the Purple Cow is achieved by sitting in a room trying to out-think their competitors. 

I’ve been asked to do a presentation at the Spring Expo for the Oregon Health Care Association. I love speaking and I love sharing knowledge, so I have no problem jumping at the chance. I’ve presented before at a couple of the OHCAevents. I very much respect the organization and their efforts to assist senior living providers with support, advocacy, training, and resources for both the regulatory and innovation arenas. Helping with one short presentation is a fun way to give back for their support. They are an organization that fosters connection and collaboration. 

The enthusiasm for knowledge-share and collaboration is also something I wish more businesses would do. Our industry (any industry, really) is riddled with companies that say they want to work together to advance the field, but they hoard “proprietary systems” or information. They think they are better, more innovative, or progressive. The truth is, the family tree of the senior living world stems from the same “Adam and Eve.” We’re all related somehow. Sure, we’ve got a different approach and philosophy than others. The services, though, won’t change much from place to place. 

What I wish more companies would do, though, is recognize one thing: a rising tide raises all ships.

If we truly do collaborate to bring the best ideas together, we create better care and better environments for all. That means a better environment for all now and in the future—our future. Eldercare isn’t just now. It isn’t just for the “Silver Tsunami”. It is the future of many generations that we are working to improve. The more we let go of our insistence on secrecy, the more we improve for all. The more we improve for all now, the more our own futures improve. Collective improvement means the public will desire to use our services more. The value presents itself when the person using the goods or services is involved in the process of its creation and therefore, adoption of the service is a natural step in the process. Sharing is the first step toward a better future. 

Let’s rise together.

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About the Author: Amira Fahoum, Director of Operations – NW Region for Compass Senior Living, spent over ten years working her way through a variety of positions for national senior living management companies. For a couple of years, she spread her wings at an international not-for-profit association in the education technology field. While she gained valuable experience, she realized her true passions are in senior living.

Amira is a graduate of the University of Washington and lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, Michael. When not working you’ll find her on the golf course, running, volunteering for road runs, working with college students as Co-Chapter Advisor for the U of O Evans Scholars program, or traveling around the world.

Amira has a passion for experiencing everything life can offer and creating meaningful experiences for others. She’s happiest when she can make others smile. Helping elders become comfortable, have a purpose and enjoy life to the fullest is her mission.

What does your Crescendo look like?

Life is a series of events that, when put together, write your story. The next chapter is up to you. Always strive to write it better than the one before. . .your Crescendo.

My story

I have moved through my life, guided by the silent anticipation and stereotype of what each stage of my life should look like. I became focused on seeking certain expectations, or landmarks so to speak, that I thought I needed to achieve during each decade as I aged with the vision of my future during my teens hitting its pinnacle when I hit middle-age. And then, all of a sudden I found myself sitting at that pinnacle. That age where I realized that I am now on the cusp of a stage in my life that seemed so far away – elderhood.  While the story I have written so far is good, it is not really what I envisioned and it sure isn’t over.

I have started to think about what aging looks like and how I will wear it as I move closer to that reality. Will I have blue-gray hair? Will I use a walker? Will I have to give up my drivers license? Will I shuffle when I walk? Will I view it as a time of life where I sit in a rocking chair waiting for the inevitable? Will it be considered a time when living becomes viewed as ‘going through the motions’ just to get through a day?

As I enter my sixth decade of life I am one of 108.7 million folks age 50-plus.

• This includes 76.4 million boomers (born 1946-64), compared with 49 million Gen Xers and 82 million millennials.
• Moreover, people 50-plus will continue to grow over the next decade to the tune of 19 million vs. a growth of only 6 million for the 18-49 population.

My life is a book, with chapters created from every milestone, moment, or mundane/routine/ordinary day I have lived so far. Some chapters are thicker, happier, or more exciting than others, but these scripts are what build the story of my life.

Age loudly!  Age intensely!

Crescendo…used as a verb, it means to increase in loudness or intensity. I associate this word with music, mystery novels, movies, dramatic tv shows, and the list goes on. But I have never thought to use that word to define my life…until now.

We are supposed to get better, smarter, more vibrant, wiser with age, not simply exist to mark time. There are a lot of people out there just like me wanting to change the face of aging, to change our perception of what our elderhood will look like.

So grab that pen, write that next chapter, and create your crescendo. I know I am.

Age loudly. Live intensely.

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About the author: Tina Woodcock is the Graphic Designer at Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Tina creates all of the print advertising for 21 Compass Senior Living communities in 7 different states. She takes great pride in sharing the goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun of all of our communities.

How do we stay ‘true to ourselves’ as Leaders? Fred Rogers gives us insight

Many of us wake up each morning and jump into our  ‘work role.’  We think, “How can I be the best Leader today? ” Then, we try to fit what we think that label means.

• We hide our quirks.
• We undo our uniqueness.
• We aim to fit in.
• We try to look, talk, and act perfectly.

But what if there was another way? What if we could radically embrace who we truly are  — the whole and capable, vulnerable, and ‘real’ person we’ve been since our childhood?

Fred Rogers, one of the biggest proponents of this message, asked us to do just that.

If you grew up watching Mister Rogers, you might still be able to picture him: walking in the door. Singing a little song. Asking, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”

When his show debuted in the ’60s, the program and, well, Mister Rogers himself didn’t fit the mold of successful TV. He was an older, kind man, chatting with his neighborhood pals, putting on a sweater or tying up his shoes, and, yes, sometimes having a heart-to-heart with a puppet.

He did his own thing—and that was the whole mission and message of his show: You can be liked and loved, just as you are. For the way you look, the way you talk, the way you love, and everything in between.

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“You’ve made this day a special day, just by being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you—just the way you are.”
– Mister Rogers

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Now, more than ever, Mister Rogers’ mission is easier said (or, in his style, sung) than done.

How do we love ourselves fully when we’re constantly bombarded with ideas on how we should look, talk, work, and lead?   How can we radically be ourselves?

The new documentary, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (in theaters on Friday, June 8), goes deep into the vision of Fred Rogers—and it offers insight into how he stayed true to himself.

Here, a few tips straight from the most authentic man on TV:

• You are unique – embrace your quirks!   Think about what makes you different from other leaders or co-workers. Your difference is your hidden strength.
• Be REAL. Be vulnerable. I used to worry about sounding too earnest, too vulnerable, or too honest in the things I wrote and shared. I’d think, “Who really wants to listen to this, anyway?”   But, surprisingly, I’ve learned that whenever I share the things that feel honest and true to me, the more positively people react. Vulnerability attracts vulnerability.  If you start to care less about what other people think, you’ll find that the people you care about will stick around for the long term.
• Don’t strive for perfection – but for authenticity. You can choose to be perfect. Or, you can choose to be authentic. It’s very hard to be both. As he famously said: “You don’t ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you.” All you have to do is be yourself.
• Relationships with our teams and co-workers are important.  Fred Rogers said, “Mutually caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.”
• A little kindness can make a difference.  Do you lead with kindness and empathy?  Those are not weak approaches to leadership.  In our world today, we need a little more kindness and love in the workplace.  In the Senior Housing industry, our care teams and our families and residents need to know they are safe and cared for.  These are courageous and powerful leadership characteristics.
• Be Yourself. Be Good.  Do Good.

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“There are three ways to ultimate success. The first is to be kind.  The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.”
– Mister Rogers

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Mr. Rogers challenges us to continually evolve to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be – our true authentic selves.

Below is a 2.5-minute trailer for the documentary that will come out in the United States on Friday, June 8th.  I am looking for a theater near me today.   I am grateful for the lessons and the life of Mr. Fred Rogers.

 

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About the author: Jean Garboden is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Older Americans Month – Engage at every age: May 2018

Every May, the Administration on Aging, part of the Administration for Community Living, leads our nation’s observance of Older American’s Month.

The 2018 theme, Engage at Every Age, emphasizes that you are never too old (or young) to take part in activities that can enrich your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It also celebrates the many ways in which older adults make a difference in our communities.

Participating in activities that promote mental and physical wellness, offering your wisdom and experience to the next generation, seeking the mentorship of someone with more life experience than you—those are just a few examples of what being engaged can mean. No matter where you are in your life, there is no better time than now to start. We hope you will join in and Engage at Every Age!

Giving Back

More than ever, older adults are making a difference—for themselves and in communities—through civic engagement.  Check out these opportunities to celebrate the power and exhilaration of elderhood by giving back!

Create the Good
AARP

Experience Corps
AARP Foundation

Doing Good is Good for You: Volunteer (PDF)
n4a

SeniorCorps
Corporation for National and Community Service

Volunteer Opportunity Search Tool
VolunteerMatch

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living in Eugene, Oregon. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

 

Tis’ the season to be gentle

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

I was talking with a friend about the holiday season and the stress she is under this month caring for her mother-in-law, working extra hours as a nurse, living with a teenager who is having her own stress-points, shopping for gifts, wrapping them, preparing the menu for the Christmas meal, and more.

In the midst of this chaotic scene, she began to feel unappreciated and overwhelmed, and she lashed out at her husband, who is also feeling the stress of the season.  This ‘perfect storm’ of emotions was not pretty.   She loves her husband, her teen daughter, and her elder mother-in-law, and she even loves the ‘spirit of Christmas’.   This ugly emotional moment made her pause.   As she was sharing her story, I said, “Well, you know, Tis’ the season…”   With tears in her eyes, she said, “Yes, Tis’ the season to be gentle.”

Taking a moment – even a brief pause for self-reflection within a storm of criticism, harsh words, and blaming is good for the soul.   The fact is, my friend was not being gentle with herself.   She is a beautiful, kind, caring, empathetic person.

If self-care doesn’t come naturally, and as an empathetic caregiver you still insist on putting everything else before your own needs, you probably go into an over-serving mode during the holidays. You may go out of your way to make sure everything is ready, and everyone has the “best holiday ever.” Sound familiar?

Here are some simple ways to take a moment to pause for self-reflection and be gentle with yourself so you can be the very best version of your true self.

morning routine
Your morning routine might only be 5 minutes long to start, but even that will help. Use the time to sit quietly with a cup of tea, meditate, journal, or include other activities that feed your body, mind, heart, and soul.

take a walk
Go outside and take a short walk. Bundle up if it’s cold and head out with the intention of noticing the magic. Don’t worry about burning calories or tracking steps, just enjoy yourself.

laugh
Call or spend time with the person that makes you laugh harder than anyone else. Then laugh until you cry.

find the blessings in your messes
For some reason, we really like to beat ourselves up at the end of the year for all that we’ve done and left undone. Sometimes it takes a big heart-wrenching mess to wake us up, to inspire change, and to finally release us from the guilt of getting there in the first place. When our imperfections are splattered all over the floor, it becomes clear that we had to go through it, to get to the lessons, and then the enormous blessings.

apologize
Don’t worry about being right. No one wins that fight. If you can’t apologize for what happened, try “I’m sorry we aren’t as close as we were. Can we start over?” or “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

forgive
It’s not too late. Your forgiveness will not only heal their hearts, it will heal yours. P.S. You don’t need an apology to forgive someone.

say goodbye to guilt
Usually guilt is not guilt at all, but instead, it’s sadness that you couldn’t do more to help, disappointment that you didn’t achieve something you set out to do, or anger because you said “yes” to something that deserved a “no”.

breathe
Frustrated? Breathe in. Breathe out. Worried? Breathe in. Breathe out. Overwhelmed? Breathe in. Breathe out. Confused? Breathe in. Breathe out. Exhausted? Breathe in. Breathe out. Start there and you can often avoid over-thinking and over-reacting.

let go
There are benefits to moving through life, work, and relationships with a lighter step, a lighter look, and a lighter heart. If we want to be light, we have to let go.

be love
Instead of working so hard to please people, do it all, or control the world – just be love today.

Take care of yourself over the holidays and always. It’s the best gift you can give yourself and everyone you love.  Yes, it tis’ the season to be gentle!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

Care Teams – engaged as investigators, and solution finders

“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” ~Dalai Lama

“You are a miracle! You have dropped down from heaven to be here with me.” Those are the words I heard from an elder living with Alzheimer’s disease a few weeks ago. I shared with the team earlier in the day that I am doing aromatherapy research. We sampled a few essential oils on cotton balls during a short morning stand up meeting. Later a care team member came to me and asked to experiment with the oils to see if we could relieve agitation for a woman she was caring for. As I approached the elder, made eye contact, and spoke to her, asking permission to put a drop of lavender oil on a cotton ball to put in her pocket, she said those amazing words, “You are a miracle!”  We held hands and talked for a few minutes….. she made my day.

It truly does feel like magic or a miracle when I connect or I can support a care team member to connect with an elder who is longing for the touch, the voice, and the love of another person.

When I do dementia training in a community, I usually first do classroom instruction teaching an empathetic communication approach that is person-centered and elder-directed.  For several days after the classroom training, I live in the community, doing hands-on coaching and role modeling the methods. I am present on all 3 shifts, and I learn so much from the elders and the care teams.  This is a reciprocal learning laboratory, with real-life situations.

What warmed my heart that day was that the care team members were fully engaged as investigators, and solution finders.  They had learned about the basic human needs as defined by Maslow, and how to identify unmet needs.  They understood the power of touch and being present.  They had learned how to utilize empathetic speech, touch, and approaches. They were using the tools and tips that they had learned on that first day; recognizing that they had the ability to do critical thinking to determine ways to support and guide elders who are trying to find their way in a confusing world.

This work can be empowering to care team members – filling them with joy and the deep knowing that they touched another soul and made a significant difference.

• The care team member has the opportunity to be instrumental in calming the unknown fears of an elder.
• The care team member truly makes an amazing connection with a 90-year-old who feels alone.
• The care team member recognizes that the very nature of caregiving rituals: washing others, holding others, feeding others and dressing others – is intimate and sacred work that brings with it gifts of dignity, respect, intelligence, and kindness.
• The care team member can be so in touch with another person, that they are seen as a miracle – as a gift from heaven!

I got an email from one of our communities with a note from a family, that said in part:

“Our prayers were answered! Your team  made our mother feel comfortable and loved from the moment she moved in.  As her family, we felt included throughout her stay. Thank you is not enough to express how appreciative we are to all of you for making her last months of her 89 years the easiest it could be as she transitioned to her heavenly home!  Forever Grateful, the family. P.S. Keep making a difference for people who need you.”

This is good work, hard work, rewarding work.   The world needs caregivers and leaders who are enthusiastically supporting families and elders and one another at the crescendo of an elder’s life as they prepare for their next great adventure.  In our communities, we are guided by goodness, loyalty, faith, and fun.    It is also important that we are guided by love for one another and for the work we are all called to do.

Love, Love, Love – All you need is Love – All you need is Love, Love. Love is all you need!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada

You Only Live Once – Right Millennials?

The first time I saw ‘yolo’  was when I was texting with a colleague as we were discussing a decision.  When I questioned the possible costs, he texted back ‘yolo’.      I learned later that he had learned that acronym from his teenaged son.  YOLO = You only live once!   Maybe we do have something to learn from Millennials!

Millennials and Zillennials (Generation Z) are the next generation of workers in eldercare!  They will reshape the workplace, bringing with them energy and a desire to make a difference, with YOLO as their mantra!  We have an opportunity now to connect with these next generations to work alongside us as innovators and shapers of the future!

The reality is that 78% of new hires in senior care in the United States are Millennials as reported by McKnight’s Long-term care survey in 2016.

It is time for us, as Senior Housing Leaders, to reexamine and understand these generations, and time for us to embrace new leadership styles and cultures as thought leaders in the industry.

Millennials were raised to be confident individuals.  That’s good,  right?  Yet this confidence can be off-putting to their more seasoned co-workers. If you have a care team that is predominantly millennials, it works well to have a more seasoned mentor working alongside them. This mentor should be someone who guides, working parallel to them, allowing them to maintain their confidence and independence while receiving the reassurance that they crave.

Millennials’ have admirable attributes, including  that they are more accepting of diversity than were past generations, have capabilities with advanced communication and information technologies, have the ability to see problems and opportunities from fresh perspectives, and are more comfortable working in teams than were past generations.

Today, we have 4 generations working together in long-term care, serving our greatest generation (average age 85 years old). This gives us opportunities to harvest and unleash the power and creativity of a multi-generational team that may inspire and transform eldercare into a vibrant, interesting, and forward-thinking community of people.

The Millennials and Zillennials, along with the Boomers and Generation X have the honor to work and learn together to support elders on their life journey at this wonderful developmental stage of life called elderhood.

A bonus for all of us is a chance to learn from the wisdom and experience of elders – the 5th generation in our workplace!

• The Greatest Generation  (born between 1900 – 1945 – The elders we serve! ages 72 – 100+)
• The Boomers ( ages 53 -71 in 2017)
• Generation X (ages 37-52 in 2017)
• The Millennials (ages 23-36 in 2017)
• The Zillennials (ages 5 – 22 in 2017)

As I have been teaching, listening, and learning with the millennials, and their younger counterpart, the Zillennials, I  recognize that they have some particular characteristics that will reshape the workplace, and make us better leaders.

1. Ambition and desire to keep learning and move quickly upwards
2. Collaborators – love to work in teams toward a common goal
3. Embracing innovation and social and ethnic diversity
4. Willingness to champion new ideas and take creative risks – YOLO!
5.  Flexible approach to work
6. Very regular feedback and encouragement.
7. They want to feel their work is worthwhile and that their efforts are being recognized

The companies that have already been the most successful in attracting talented Millennials are naturally innovative employers who are never restrained by ‘how things used to be done’. These companies are not specifically targeting Millennials, but their culture, leadership style, and approach to recruitment and retention naturally appeal to the Millennial generation. And because of that, they are able to take their pick of the best younger talent around.

It is not too late for those of us in senior housing to gain the loyalty of Millennials  who seek employers with similar values according to the Deloitte Millennial Survey 2016. Thus, those organizations that are guided by strong core values may be less likely to lose their Millennial employees.

We have an opportunity now to connect with these next generations to work alongside us as innovators and shapers of the future!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada.

Naughty people need love too!

“You better watch out, you better not cry! Better not pout, I’m telling you why…Santa Claus is coming to town. He’s making a list, and checking it twice; gonna find out who’s naughty and nice…Santa Claus is coming to town.” ~ J. Fred Coots, Henry Gillespie – 1934

As the holidays’ approach, I begin humming the old childhood songs as I go about my day.   This year as I listened to the words and the messages in my little-girl-mind, I realized that this was, indeed a strong message that was given to my generation.

• Be a good girl or boy
• It is best to be seen and not heard
• Don’t cry!
• Wipe that pout off your face!
• You are naughty!
• Be nice

But you know, as I have grown up, I have learned from the Elders that even those who are naughty need love! Sometimes we need to cry or pout, and express our anger and hurt!

The elders have taught me that

• All human beings have basic human needs.
• If those basic human needs are not met – we ‘act naughty’.  Some people say we have  ‘disruptive behaviors’ or we are ‘not being nice’.
• If we recognize that ‘naughty behavior’ is merely an expression of unmet needs, we can respond with empathy to fill that need for the other person, and in doing so, give grace and connect with love and kindness instead of being annoyed.

Dr. Abraham Maslow created the hierarchy of needs in 1943, and I am teaching families and care team members to notice especially if a person living with a cognitive challenge is exhibiting what some people would consider  ‘naughty behavior’, to analyze and determine what basic human need is not met.

• Is the person in pain?  (Physiological need)
• Is the person frightened or afraid? (safety need)
• Is the person lonely and longing for companionship? (Love and belonging need)
• Is the person distressed at the loss of their purpose and status in life?  (Self-esteem need)

If you and I can understand the unmet need behind that ‘naughty behavior’ we can respond with empathy and help the person find peace.

Let me tell you a story of a man  living with dementia who was expressing  his unmet needs through outbursts of behavior, and how we discovered the solution to his needs utilizing Maslow’s hierarchy as a guide.

Paul is spending the entire morning walking the halls crying and calling out his wife’s name. “Dolly, Dolly, Dolly!”  A well-meaning care team member says, “Dolly went shopping, she will be back later.”  Paul begins to wail and scream her name, “Dolly, Dolly, Dolly!”   He is looking for her everywhere and is upset that he can’t find her. Another care team member recognizing his distress as an unmet need for the love of his wife says, “Paul, tell me about Dolly.  What color are her eyes?  What do you miss most about her?”   After a few minutes of expressing his love for Dolly, Paul says very quietly, “She has been gone a long time, I really miss her hugs.”      

The first well-meaning care team member told a ‘therapeutic lie‘.  Paul knows deep inside that Dolly did not go shopping, and his anxiety increased.  Paul is trying to communicate to someone that will listen that he misses Dolly.   When he was invited to share and release his deep feelings and heartbreak to the second care team member his unmet need for love and belonging was met – and he had peace.

• Listening with empathy to determine the unmet need builds trust, reduces anxiety and restores dignity. 
• Painful feelings that are expressed and acknowledged by an empathetic listener will diminish.
• Painful feelings that are ignored or suppressed will gain in strength. The power of empathy to connect and to relieve pain that is pent up inside can bring peace of mind.

How many of us label or are labeled as  ‘naughty or nice’ based on our behaviors?  We are good just as we are.  It is ok to cry. It is ok to pout. We have been told since childhood to be happy, to be nice, to be a good girl or boy, and not to be naughty!  But sometimes, we are not happy, and we simply want someone there to hear us, and listen with empathy, and let us cry and release those painful feelings.  We can be the empathetic listener  for the elders we care for.  We can do this for family members, and we can do this for one another.

If you have friends or loved ones that are grumpy this holiday season… before you get annoyed at their ‘naughty behavior’  – think about it.  Are they expressing an unmet need?  Are they hungry and tired? Do they need a hug? Are they worried about money and finances? What is their unmet need?  Give them a little grace and a lot of love. Be there to listen with empathy, and support them to express their painful feelings.  You will make their day!

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Jean Garboden, Director of Education & Innovation at Compass Senior Living

About the Author: Jean Garboden is the Director of Education and Innovation at Compass Senior Living, located in Eugene Oregon. Jean is an Elder Advocate and Eden Alternative Educator with over 30 years’ experience in not-for-profit and for-profit healthcare organizations. She is honored to lead the mission and values culture development for Compass Senior Living. Jean lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she enjoys the weather and volunteers with the Nevadans for the Common Good, advocating for caregivers and elders in southern Nevada